If you love it, let it free...

When I teach puppy socialization classes I tell my students to try to ignore the puppies during off-leash play time. Yes, get involved if the puppies need them, but otherwise let them be dogs for 15 minutes a week. This is hard for some people. It's hard for some dogs, too. In every class there is one dog who will stick to their person and not move. They may be interested in the other puppies, but for whatever reason they want to stay near their human. Sometimes the student is flattered and doesn't try very hard to encourage the dog to play. Other students will try to get the puppy engaged in the group, but in either case the student usually feels at least a bit flattered that the puppy choses them over canine playmates.

All flattery aside, a puppy does need to learn to deal with other dogs in a positive way. Not every dog has to play with every dog it meets, but an "emotionally healthy" dog should appropriately deal with the presence of another dog. The best way to foster this is to allow puppies to play with other puppies in a safe, controlled environment - i.e. a well-run puppy play session. By this I mean puppies are divided according to play style and sometimes by size or age and the instructor is actively involved in preventing bullying, redirecting potentially aggressive play, and praising positive play behavior. Just throwing a bunch of puppies together and letting them go wild for minutes on end is not helpful to any puppy.

Then there are the students who call their puppies out of appropriate puppy-play for whatever reason - usually because they just can't help themselves. Often it's because the puppy is so cute they want to be a part of what's going on. Other times, though, I think if I picked the brain of the student I would find that they can't imagine the thought of their puppy having fun without them - their human - being involved. In other words, the human is jealous. After all, the puppy usually looks to them to have all needs met, especially entertainment. And now that puppy is having fun while excluding the human. That's a tricky adjustment for the human. (And one not every human tries to get over, but that's a different issue...)

Imagine my surprise last night when I found myself experiencing that jealousy. Only instead of calling my dog away from fun and appropriate play so I could be included, it was my 2 year old daughter I was calling away! We attended an indoor-water park birthday party and Bug was having the time of her life. The birthday girl is a 3 year old who is Bug's first good friend and Bug loves to follow her around and copy her. I've been so pleased that Bug has someone her own age to play with since her life is very full of a variety of adults but no one her age.

So why did I keep calling Bug's attention away from her friend and toward whatever I wanted to show her? The best I could figure out is that I was jealous! Yes, part of it was because I am very used to being Bug's Number One playmate, but there was an underlying jealousy factor as well. If Bug has other friends, friends her own age, will she still find me as fun and exciting as she has for the past 2 years? Because it's a big ego boost to be considered as hilarious and entertaining as my daughter considers me.

Once I realized what I was doing to Bug I was able to take a step back and let her interact freely with her friend, as long as what they were doing was safe. Unfortunately the damage was done. Yes, Bug would play with her friend, but she wanted me along as well and would look to me before looking to her friend for the next activity.

Like puppies, children need to interact with others their own age, as well as adults, in order to have the social skills necessary to function in the world. Actually, I'd argue it's more important for children to have playmates and unstructured playtime since they pretty much have to interact with other people as they get older. At least an anti-social dog can be kept away from all other dogs, although that's not much of a life for the dog which is why I advocate puppy socialization as much as I do.

Now I know the error of my ways and will hopefully improve the next time Bug has a play date. It's not easy, but if I love my child, and I truly do, I need to give her some freedom to explore and learn from others her own age. I hope that in the long run it will foster a friendship between us as she becomes an adult. Or at least not send her to the therapist's couch for decades of therapy...

Mama said there'd be days like this...

Last Wednesday didn't start out as a bad day. Sure, BabyBug woke up earlier than usual which put my schedule off a bit, but no big deal. Unfortunately that just got the ball rolling.

Bug was clingy at home, so we got to my Mom's late. Then Bug decided to throw an enormous crying fit as I started to leave, something she's never done before at Mom's. Between that and the slow construction vehicle I got stuck behind, I was late to my tracking lesson. Not an unusual occurrence, to my chagrin, but still annoying.

Ran the dogs home and DH was gone, so I put Havana in her crate since she still chews on things from time to time. Walked 2 client dogs, "treated" myself to a 20 minute lunch break at home since I'd forgotten the grocery list, walked my last dog, did the shopping and ran to the eye doctor. And sat. And sat. And sat. They dilated my eyes and I still managed to read 50 pages of my novel before the doctor came. 90 minutes later I was running to get BabyBug and wishing that I had time to make meatloaf since I desperately wanted comfort food.

I walked into the house and was hit with a horrible smell. Ran to check all of the corners Cousteau had access to and didn't find anything. Then it hit me and I ran to Havana's crate. It was covered in poop and so was she. By the time I'd realized she was filthy she'd already run through 1/2 the house, so I let her go the rest of the way outside. Bug wanted to "help" clean up and DH couldn't understand why I was less than pleased.

After cleaning the floors and the crate I'm really, really running late and I had to pick up a rain barrel. The original plan was to get that then come home for the dogs, but since Havana needed a bath, that wasn't going to happen. Cousteau had to stay home from my Bringing Home Baby class and Havana and the rain barrel got squeezed into the car.

Needless to say, class started late and Havana kept whining through the whole thing which was mortifying. We got through class - at least she was a good demo dog - and I let her have run of the room after everyone had left, went to the hallway for less than a minute, and came back to an enormous pile and puddle in the classroom. Hence the reason she was crying...

I finally got home and dragged my tired, coming-down-with-a-cold self to bed. DH still was giving me a wide berth and couldn't understand my vile mood. I turned out the light and thought to myself "at least today is over!"

Why bother writing about a crappy day? It wasn't the worst day I've had and it wasn't the best, it was just one of those days. But in retrospect, I realize that my crappiest day is still better than a lot of people's good days. As I told my husband when he asked me to say something good about today (I hate it when people use your words against you!), I love my husband and I love my baby. And they love me. And as icky as the day was, if I was told I could give up my baby and my dogs and never have to have a bad day again, I'd still keep it all - the baby, the dogs, and the headaches.

Patience is a virtue, Mama.

I remember feeling so frustrated when I couldn't get Havana to lie down on command in Puppy class. Or in Puppy 2 for that matter. For crying out loud, I'm an instructor and I can't get my dog to lie down without a lure?! However, with life being as busy as it is, I didn't devote a lot of time to downs when I wasn't in class. One day I made the concerted effort to teach Havana down without the lure and boom! She understood! What on Earth happened?

I suspect it was a combination of Havana maturing and something called "latent learning". Basically, Havana learned down but not exactly how to use it in every day life. Then one day the connections were made and she understood. And a bonus for me, not only did she understand down, but she will do it from a nice distance.

What I think helped is that I started requiring a down in more high value situations. If she wanted to get out of her crate she had to down, if she wanted a treat or to come in from outside or before I'd throw a ball for her she had to lie down. The reward was great and this helped her to process the idea from a latent state to a relevant and current state.

BabyBug has done the same thing to me numerous times. In particular I remember saying to my Mom after Bug's 18 month check up that I didn't think Bug's speech was progressing as quickly as it should. The doctor wasn't concerned and I wasn't extremely worried, but it was a thought in the back of my head. Mom recently reminded me of that conversation after Bug had finally taken a breath after talking for about two minutes straight.

Like Havana, I used Bug's interests to help develop her skills. Bug is fascinated by butterflies, dogs, and vehicles so when she would see those things I would say things like "The butterfly is flying" or "Did you see the truck? Can you say 'truck'?" Many times she would just look at me and then go back to watching whatever without acknowledging what I said. Then a few days or weeks later she would belt out "Tluck! Biiiiiiiig tluck!" as soon as she saw a truck without any coaching from us.

As Havana has gotten better with downs I've been able to use them in more and more challenging situations. She was a brat at the dog park one day and I called to her to lie down and she dropped. She would down and stay for longer and longer during meal times. Havana has now progressed to the point where I can usually get a down out of her in high arousal situations like working sheep or in flyball.

Bug has been able to use her words in more challenging situations, too. Now instead of just a "big tluck" it's a "Big white tluck drive by Nana's house" or most recently "I do not watch to watch this TV". She won't be going on the public speaking circuit anytime soon, but she definitely is not speech delayed, either.

Patience may not be one of my strong points, but I'm learning to wait it out and find ways to support emerging skills without worrying that they'll never happen. Of course I'm aware of approximate milestones and know to consult a professional if there seems to be a problem, but if the professionals aren't worried, I'll try not to worry as well.

Nothing to fear but fear itself...

Cousteau is largely a fearless dog. I can really only remember one time that he was frozen in fear and that's when he saw a mylar balloon as a puppy. He froze in the middle of a busy intersection while commuters, ummm, encouraged us out of the road. I was so amused that my big, tough dog was scared of something as simple as a balloon that I burst out laughing. Cousteau had long since figured out that laughter was a good thing so as I chuckled my way over to the balloon he was willing to brave a sniff. Then he tried to eat the balloon...

Havana is a more aware dog. She's supposed to be, she's a herding dog. Still, I'm not a fan of her spooking at things she's been fine with before, nor do I want to encourage wariness around new things. I learned my lesson from Cousteau - when Havana shies away from something I look at her and say "It's nothing to be afraid of, silly girl" in a matter of fact tone of voice. I can usually get a laugh out, too, which further reassures her that the scary thing probably won't kill her. She'll never be as blase about things as Cousteau is, but she's learned to take her cues from me and react less to things she might otherwise be afraid of.

There have been a few times when something or someone has startled me and I jumped or otherwise reacted before I thought. I'm normally a pretty jumpy person, too. When my first reaction is one of caution or a startle response, I have a much harder time convincing Havana that whatever is present is no threat to her. With practice I've gotten much better at taking a breath before reacting so I can re-evaluate how I want to respond.

Now my BabyBug is like Cousteau in her fearlessness, but I know there are a few things that upset her. One of these things is loud, unexpected noises. The first time my Dad drove his Harley up the driveway near her she just about lost it. It took a lot of fast talking from my mom and I to convince her that the Harley is fun, not scary. She's still not crazy about that classic Harley sound close to her, but she enjoys picking motorcycle sounds out whenever we're outside.

Remembering Bug's reaction to the unexpected Harley noise, I was prepared when we were running errands and a thunderstorm came up. The first crash of thunder sounded and as Bug whipped her head around to see my reaction, I started quoting from Dr. Seuss' book Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? "BoomBoomBoom! Mr. Brown is a wonder. BoomBoomBoom, Mr. Brown makes thunder!" Between my silliness and the memory of a favorite book, she relaxed. By the end of the storm she would hear the thunder and gasp in delight shouting "BoomBoomBoom!" waiting for me to finish the quote.

Fortunately Bug isn't quite as in tune to me as Havana is. I did startle her earlier this week while we were weeding. I pulled a weed and a clump of dirt jumped. Being jumpy by nature, I squealed and hopped back. Bug looked at me with concern and I figured out it was a toad and not mutant mud on the attack. I explained to Bug "I wasn't expecting that silly toad to jump. He surprised me!" After showing her the toad, who then got the heck out of there (smart toad - Bug likes to hug and kiss everything that catches her attention), she was completely over her concern about my reaction.

Food Fights?

Now, I'll admit I have a Lab who eats everything, so I've never really had to experience the frustation of a dog who tries to starve himself. However, the cairn terrier I had growing up would just randomly decide she wasn't hungry. One day she'd eat all of her kibble, the next she'd take a bite or two and that was that, then maybe she'd eat only half of her food for the next week. My parents never let us get upset about it. She ate what she ate and it was offered between 5 and 5:30 pm - whatever she didn't eat was just put away and fed the next day. She lived to be 16 years old and weighed exactly 12 lbs her entire adult life. She was still up to doing 5 mile hikes at the age of 12, so apparently she knew what she was doing when it came to eating.

Havana is slightly more discriminating than Cousteau. My dogs eat a raw diet and the first time I introduced lamb it sat in her dish for awhile. I gave her 15 minutes and whatever was still there was placed back in the fridge until the next meal. That evening she ate it all just fine. We went through the same thing with pork and again, one after one missed meal she decided the new food wasn't so evil. Organ meat is a different story. If organs aren't mixed in with her food, she won't eat them plain.

I repeated the "take up the dish until the next meal" routine with organ meat on top of her other food. Nope, she ate around the organs again. I've offered them to her on several different occasions and each time she looks into the bowl, looks at me, then eats everything she can without touching the organ blend. She just doesn't like them!

Now, I could get worried about this - after all, dogs are supposed to like organ meat. In fact, in a home prepared raw diet, organs are essential. I could spoon feed the organs to her, force feed them, saute them in olive oil and garlic, beg and cry, or find a way to hide the organs so she will eat them. I've elected to hide her organ meat. And if she doesn't eat it a time or two, she's not going to keel over and die. My meals aren't all perfectly balanced, but I do achieve a balanced diet over time. My feeding methods seem really harsh to some people, but it works for me and my dogs are all very healthy.


I employ the same basic philosophy for feeding BabyBug. Granted, her meat is cooked instead of raw, but overall, I'm not going to cater to her every dietary whim. For the most part, Bug's attitude toward food is the same as Cousteau's (the hazards of a baby's first solid "food" being Lab fur, I guess). Sometimes she just isn't hungry, or she is feeling picky. Thankfully a friend told me that toddlers can be like that sometimes so I knew not to worry too much the first time it happened.

What we do with Bug is pretty simple. Whatever is on her plate is what she's offered that meal. If she doesn't want it, she doesn't have to eat it, but I'm not going to keep offering her foods at that meal until she does eat. She can sit at the table with us and we'll offer her bites from time to time, but if she refuses, it's not a big deal. And when she says she's done, we let her be done regardless of how much she's eaten.

Generally speaking, Bug likes to try new foods, especially if Momma and Daddy are clearly enjoying it. (This is another way Bug and Cousteau are so much alike!) I always encourage her to eat one bite of everything on her plate and if she doesn't want it after that, then she doesn't have to eat it. This is different from my house growing up where the rule was "clean your plate or you don't get dessert", even if the meal was pot roast, mashed potatoes, and lima bean succotash - yech!!! But I was going to choke that down for the promise of a cookie afterwards. It's not my parents' fault - that's what children were expected to do back then - but I have just recently taken off 30 lbs and had to re-evaluate how I eat. I figured out a big part of my problem was the eating habits I learned as a child. So we never force Bug to clean her plate. And as a result, at her 18 month check up, the nurse looked over Bug's records and double checked her weight and said it was unusual for an 18 month old to gain weight from the 12 month check up. Bug's weight is perfect for her height, but even though she's *extremely* active, she eats enough to make up for the expended calories. The nurse was impressed. :)

I will add that I always have something I know she will eat on her plate. If we're trying something new with her - like pork chops - and I don't know how she'll feel about them, I will put a few pieces of pork on her plate, but be sure to have something like corn or cheese on her plate, too. That way if she truly doesn't like the pork but is hungry, she still has something she enjoys eating to fill her up. I also introduce a food several times. For months Bug would have nothing to do with chicken, but every time I made chicken I would place a bite on her plate and encourage her to eat it. She would refuse. Last month, after at least 10 refused chicken offerings, she ate the meat off of an entire chicken leg! She still isn't a big chicken eater, but whenever she takes a bite we let her know we're happy she's trying something new and leave it at that.

By taking a "she'll eat when she's hungry" approach for my dog and my baby, both of whom I know have no medical problems, meal times are a lot less stressful than they would be if I obsessed over what was and was not going into her mouth. It makes meal times much more fun for everyone.