Today our family had a chance to go to see a USF2000 race. My father-in-law works for the series owners and we were able to get VIP passes and watch the action from the pits. You would think that since one of Bug's all time favorite movies is Cars that this would be the best day of her life. Unfortunately Bug is also noise sensitive, so what should have been lots of fun for her turned out to be torturous.
The drive into the pits was lots of fun. The window were rolled up and the A/C was on. Grandpa met us and we got out of the car, which was parked next to where the cars line up to start the race. Two lines of cars starting their engines all at the same time. It wasn't so bad when they drove off and we couldn't see them any more and they were quieter because of the distance, but then we decided to watch the action from the grandstand.
Walking under the track was fun. Walking along the access road through a wooded area was cool, but as soon as we got to the grandstands the cars were passing by right next to us. Bug was not impressed and she wanted to go back to our car. Then she convinced herself that it would be quieter at the top of the grandstand so we took off.
I thought once we were away from the track and safe Bug would settle down, but instead Bug's anxiety increased lap after lap. She started to cover her ears as the cars passed, then as soon as she heard them coming around the other side of the track. Soon her hands weren't big enough to block out enough noise so she grabbed mine to cover her ears. She started getting upset whenever I'd remove my hands, even when there were no cars in sight. Instead of getting used to the noise, she got more and more upset the longer we were there. I think as her anxiety increased there just wasn't enough time for her to relax again before the cars came by and her anxiety spiked again. Because she was already worked up, her anxiety wound higher and higher until she was just a mass of nerves.
This made me think of noise sensitive dogs and how so often we do exactly the wrong thing with them. The temptation is to get them closer to the sound so they can see that the noise won't hurt them. Whether it's intentional or not, we flood the dogs with aversive stimuli (the scary thing). In some cases the dog will habituate or gradually get used to the scary thing, but more often than not that flood of stimuli will cause the dog to get more and more afraid of it for the same reason Bug did. The dogs don't have a chance to relax and clear their systems of the "fight or flight" adrenaline that has built up in their systems. On top of the fear, we've just proven to the dog that we humans can't be trusted to protect the dog from scary stuff. (Or that parents won't protect the frightened child.)
What is far better for both children and dogs in the presence of something scary like this is to find a spot where they are comfortable and then take a step back from there. Once they are completely comfortable at that level (officially called "sub threshold"), you can take a step forward - figuratively or literally depending on the situation. But the important thing is to let the one who is afraid give cues when it's time to move forward, not some timetable we've set up. After all, we're not the ones who's bodies are trying to tell us to take evasive action or we'll die, which is what happens in these situations. Fear isn't rational, it's an ancient survival technique.
In a dog's case using treats can be very useful to feeling comfortable at level A before moving to level B. Using food in emotional situations is frowned on for children and the difference is that humans will always be controlling a dog's food input (or should be), but a child will one day be an adult and they need to learn how to cope without relying on food as a crutch. This could be hypocritical, but honestly, I don't care. Treats work for dogs so I use them.
Play is a useful option for both fearful children and dogs. Havana and I have braved scary situations by using games of tug to get closer to or past the evil. Playing fetch in a safe area closer and closer to an aversive stimuli can also be effective. If I'd been prepared with Bug I'd have brought bubbles, a magnifying glass, her camera and other things that she enjoys doing outside and we'd have started exploring away from the track and wandered closer as Bug felt comfortable.
Basically my point is that contrary to some big name TV dog trainers and the old fashioned belief that a scared child just needs to "suck it up" or "be a man", slow and positive introduction moving at a comfortable pace set by the one who is afraid is a more surefire way to get the results you want. And it's less traumatic for all involved.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Patience...is a virtue...
...and of course I want to be virtuous. Usually. But patience is not easy to come by. Sometimes we just don't have a choice.
When Havana was a puppy, I'd already been a professional dog trainer for about 4 years. I was doing everything "right" - puppy classes, careful socialization, relationship building, etc. We were enrolled in puppy class where I work and it was a lot of fun, although humbling that I was a student in a class I've been teaching for so long. Even more humbling - my puppy Would. Not. Down. I could usually lure her down with a food treat, but as the weeks progressed and the other puppies were downing on a hand signal and then verbal cue, Havana and I were still using a lure or it wouldn't happen.
We had some progress when I started pretending I had a food lure in my hand and then immediately treating her for the right response or if I kept the food lure in my hand and gave her a different treat. But I was still attaching the darn treat to her nose and bringing it down to the floor two months after we'd started class!
Suddenly one day the light bulb went on. Not for me - I still don't quite know what happened. Havana must have just put two and two together and got four and then couldn't figure out why I hadn't simply told her that earlier. She became a downing fool. We had lots of baby gates up and I'd often ask her to down before opening one (work the weakest behavior for frequent reward). Pretty soon she had a decent remote down going.
This remote down has now translated into amazing things. When Havana comes to puppy class with me to help with puppies who need tutoring in Canine Body Language, I can down her in a room of loose puppies from a few feet away. When we work sheep I can down her 50 ft away with 4 or 5 sheep between us. If she's in the yard and barking madly at rogue squirrels or leaves that dare to fall before autumn, I can down her from a distance to hush her for a bit. She's got down figured out and then some! I just needed patience for her to understand what I wanted in her own time, rather than on the time line I'd set up in my class.
Now I have my darling Sprout. Smart, beautiful, funny, goofy - everything a mother could want for her child. (Not that I'm biased.) Now most kids I know, including big sister Bug, my husband and I way back when, all took first steps before the first birthday. Not my Sprout. She wasn't really interested even in cruising around furniture at that point. Why bother? Crawling got her whatever she wanted. Developmentally she was fine - she just didn't feel like walking.
I could have spent a lot of time freaking out, and I did to a point, but I didn't want to make this a big deal to her. I knew she'd do it eventually and all the freaking, cajoling, and begging on my part wouldn't make it happen before she was ready. I built a safe framework for her - offering her toys from a distance that would encourage a first step, praising her for the little bit of cruising she bothered to do, walking with her while holding her hands, etc. But still nothing.
Finally on February 27, just before she turned 15 months old she took 3 steps to my dad. (He's currently deciding on which font for the bronze plaque he'll be placing in the house.) Hallelujah she's walking! We bought baby walking shoes and waited for the chaos to begin. And waited. And waited. And waited...
While she now knew she could take steps and would take one or two from time to time, she would still rather crawl. Since she's officially "walked" before 15 months we'd made the cut off the pediatrician had set so I didn't worry about that any more. But it took two more months for Sprout to decide walking was worth the effort and to do it regularly. And now at 19 months she's running just like the kids who'd been walking since 10 months.
The point of all this? Milestones and guidelines are simply suggestions, not ironclad rules for how puppies or babies are supposed to develop. As long as there are no additional signs indicating that there may be a problem, all of the worrying and fussing in the world will not cause a puppy or child to move along at the pace we think they should. And when they figure it out on their own, they'll progress as fast as they need to in order to do what they want to get done.
Now if people would just stop trying to freak me out that Sprout isn't talking yet. Really, I think she's proven that she's an independent spirit who will get it done when she's ready. And do I really want the dueling sisters competing to talk with me from the backseat?
When Havana was a puppy, I'd already been a professional dog trainer for about 4 years. I was doing everything "right" - puppy classes, careful socialization, relationship building, etc. We were enrolled in puppy class where I work and it was a lot of fun, although humbling that I was a student in a class I've been teaching for so long. Even more humbling - my puppy Would. Not. Down. I could usually lure her down with a food treat, but as the weeks progressed and the other puppies were downing on a hand signal and then verbal cue, Havana and I were still using a lure or it wouldn't happen.
We had some progress when I started pretending I had a food lure in my hand and then immediately treating her for the right response or if I kept the food lure in my hand and gave her a different treat. But I was still attaching the darn treat to her nose and bringing it down to the floor two months after we'd started class!
Suddenly one day the light bulb went on. Not for me - I still don't quite know what happened. Havana must have just put two and two together and got four and then couldn't figure out why I hadn't simply told her that earlier. She became a downing fool. We had lots of baby gates up and I'd often ask her to down before opening one (work the weakest behavior for frequent reward). Pretty soon she had a decent remote down going.
This remote down has now translated into amazing things. When Havana comes to puppy class with me to help with puppies who need tutoring in Canine Body Language, I can down her in a room of loose puppies from a few feet away. When we work sheep I can down her 50 ft away with 4 or 5 sheep between us. If she's in the yard and barking madly at rogue squirrels or leaves that dare to fall before autumn, I can down her from a distance to hush her for a bit. She's got down figured out and then some! I just needed patience for her to understand what I wanted in her own time, rather than on the time line I'd set up in my class.
Now I have my darling Sprout. Smart, beautiful, funny, goofy - everything a mother could want for her child. (Not that I'm biased.) Now most kids I know, including big sister Bug, my husband and I way back when, all took first steps before the first birthday. Not my Sprout. She wasn't really interested even in cruising around furniture at that point. Why bother? Crawling got her whatever she wanted. Developmentally she was fine - she just didn't feel like walking.
I could have spent a lot of time freaking out, and I did to a point, but I didn't want to make this a big deal to her. I knew she'd do it eventually and all the freaking, cajoling, and begging on my part wouldn't make it happen before she was ready. I built a safe framework for her - offering her toys from a distance that would encourage a first step, praising her for the little bit of cruising she bothered to do, walking with her while holding her hands, etc. But still nothing.
Finally on February 27, just before she turned 15 months old she took 3 steps to my dad. (He's currently deciding on which font for the bronze plaque he'll be placing in the house.) Hallelujah she's walking! We bought baby walking shoes and waited for the chaos to begin. And waited. And waited. And waited...
While she now knew she could take steps and would take one or two from time to time, she would still rather crawl. Since she's officially "walked" before 15 months we'd made the cut off the pediatrician had set so I didn't worry about that any more. But it took two more months for Sprout to decide walking was worth the effort and to do it regularly. And now at 19 months she's running just like the kids who'd been walking since 10 months.
The point of all this? Milestones and guidelines are simply suggestions, not ironclad rules for how puppies or babies are supposed to develop. As long as there are no additional signs indicating that there may be a problem, all of the worrying and fussing in the world will not cause a puppy or child to move along at the pace we think they should. And when they figure it out on their own, they'll progress as fast as they need to in order to do what they want to get done.
Now if people would just stop trying to freak me out that Sprout isn't talking yet. Really, I think she's proven that she's an independent spirit who will get it done when she's ready. And do I really want the dueling sisters competing to talk with me from the backseat?
Friday, August 6, 2010
Being Prepared
In all of my research on helping kids and dogs get along, one of the most important things is to get dogs used to the physical changes around the house as soon as possible. I always recommend:
So we've got a new baby coming to our family. Our "Wiggle," for lack of an actual name. The dogs have been through this already and while we'll be reviewing basic obedience and playing the baby sounds CD, nothing too terribly much will change for them. Well, Havana may decide she doesn't want to sleep next to my side of the bed as I have to get up more and more, but that's up to her.
What will be changing, though, is life for my girls. Bug is already pretty used to things being set up for a toddler, but she doesn't remember much of what it's like to be at a newborn's beck and call. Or screech and cry. And this will be totally foreign to Sprout all together.
One of the first things we had to do was change how we talk about dolls to Sprout. We discovered this when we introduced her to a newborn baby and she tried to pick up the baby and rock it like she does her dolls. Well, of course she would! How is Baby Carrie Fisher-Price (the doll) different from Baby L? There is no difference to a toddler. So now we call the dolls "little" and babies "baby". I don't know if it's working or not, but Sprout did not try to strangle Baby A like she does Little Carrie, so hopefully it is.
We're also going to have to move furniture around. The girls will be sharing a bedroom, which will be an adventure for all of us. Bug already knows that this will happen and we've been talking about it when the opportunity arises. It's a little hard to prepare Sprout for this since it's so abstract. And unfortunately she won't be ready for a big girl bed until after Wiggle is here, so I can't have her all set up and ready before he's here. But if one girl isn't freaking out too much that's half the battle.
And because Sprout is a little stinker, we're going to make sure that there is a safe place for Bug and her things, just as we have for the dogs and cats. The plan is to build a loft above Bug's bed, sort of like an unused upper bunk bed, with a railing around it and a little door. With any luck, Bug will be able to climb up there to escape the wrath of Sprout and maybe, just maybe reduce some chaos. Let me have my delusions, ok?
- Figure out where baby furniture will live and put it there ASAP. If you can't do that just yet, at least move any dog beds or other furniture that will need to be moved.
- If the dog will no longer be allowed on the bed or furniture when baby is here, put that rule into effect today.
- Ban access to rooms that will be off limits when baby appears.
So we've got a new baby coming to our family. Our "Wiggle," for lack of an actual name. The dogs have been through this already and while we'll be reviewing basic obedience and playing the baby sounds CD, nothing too terribly much will change for them. Well, Havana may decide she doesn't want to sleep next to my side of the bed as I have to get up more and more, but that's up to her.
What will be changing, though, is life for my girls. Bug is already pretty used to things being set up for a toddler, but she doesn't remember much of what it's like to be at a newborn's beck and call. Or screech and cry. And this will be totally foreign to Sprout all together.
One of the first things we had to do was change how we talk about dolls to Sprout. We discovered this when we introduced her to a newborn baby and she tried to pick up the baby and rock it like she does her dolls. Well, of course she would! How is Baby Carrie Fisher-Price (the doll) different from Baby L? There is no difference to a toddler. So now we call the dolls "little" and babies "baby". I don't know if it's working or not, but Sprout did not try to strangle Baby A like she does Little Carrie, so hopefully it is.
We're also going to have to move furniture around. The girls will be sharing a bedroom, which will be an adventure for all of us. Bug already knows that this will happen and we've been talking about it when the opportunity arises. It's a little hard to prepare Sprout for this since it's so abstract. And unfortunately she won't be ready for a big girl bed until after Wiggle is here, so I can't have her all set up and ready before he's here. But if one girl isn't freaking out too much that's half the battle.
And because Sprout is a little stinker, we're going to make sure that there is a safe place for Bug and her things, just as we have for the dogs and cats. The plan is to build a loft above Bug's bed, sort of like an unused upper bunk bed, with a railing around it and a little door. With any luck, Bug will be able to climb up there to escape the wrath of Sprout and maybe, just maybe reduce some chaos. Let me have my delusions, ok?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Sometimes it does directly relate...
I always tell my puppy class students that the first time I was taught "look" (the dog looks up at my face on my command), I seriously thought my teacher ran out of things to show us that night. Now it is one of the commands I use the most, especially when we're out in public. Having your dog look at you on cue is just so darned handy, even if it takes a little effort to teach. When your dog looks at you, your dog is probably not:
So imagine my delight when I realized it has another application - making sure a 5 year old is paying attention to me. Now instead of repeating myself twelve times (bad, bad Momma, say it the first time and mean it!), I can say "Bug. Stop. Look at me. Do not put stickers on the dog." Just like the dogs, once I can drag her attention to me I can cue her next behavior or redirect the current behavior.
Am I proud that I can get the exact same results for child and canine with the same cue? Well...not really. But it sure is handy. There's been a lot less yelling since I discovered this, though, and that's a good thing. Not that that neighbors have noticed it being any quieter around here. I blame hormones. Don't know what I'll do next spring when the windows are open again and I'm not pregnant.
- Scarfing food off the table/counter/hands of young children
- Barking and posturing at another dog
- Pulling on a leash
- Breaking a stay
- Sniffing/eating nasty trash off the ground (can you tell I have a Labrador?)
- Greeting people or dogs who would rather not be greeted
- Missing the next cue I give
- Getting into or causing any number of miscellaneous problems
So imagine my delight when I realized it has another application - making sure a 5 year old is paying attention to me. Now instead of repeating myself twelve times (bad, bad Momma, say it the first time and mean it!), I can say "Bug. Stop. Look at me. Do not put stickers on the dog." Just like the dogs, once I can drag her attention to me I can cue her next behavior or redirect the current behavior.
Am I proud that I can get the exact same results for child and canine with the same cue? Well...not really. But it sure is handy. There's been a lot less yelling since I discovered this, though, and that's a good thing. Not that that neighbors have noticed it being any quieter around here. I blame hormones. Don't know what I'll do next spring when the windows are open again and I'm not pregnant.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Who did that?!
Today in my scatterbrained way, I forgot to close the gate to the girls' bedrooms. When I went to put Sprout down for her nap, I was greeted with an upended diaper bin and pieces of dirty diaper all over the floor. (Thankfully we do cloth diapers so the worst of the nastiness has been flushed and dirty diapers are largely inaccessible to the dogs.) Even though I knew it was my fault, I called out "Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! Which one of you bad dogs did this?!?!?" Strangely, no one answered.
I put Sprout down, cleaned up the mess, and went about my afternoon. I realized that both dogs were in "their" room, all on their own, as flat as possible on their respective dog beds, pretending to be invisible. Neither one made eye contact with me, although they both followed me with their invisible eyes in their invisible heads. (Because I am a mom to both canines and humans I can see invisible things like lost shoes, vegetables, empty toilet paper rolls, and misbehaving creatures that no one else in the house can see.)
Now some may say "Oh the dogs knew they did something wrong" or "those dogs are acting guilty." I beg to differ. Once the "goodies" were out of the diapers, the dog pretty much put it all out of his (maybe her) mind. However, the dogs have learned from past experience that if I let out an exasperated growl, chances are they are going to get closed off in their room. And in the past when the dogs have ignored the direction to go to their room, it usually involves a scold and a persistent body block which they would rather avoid. (Body block = me getting big and tall and moving into their space. I never touch them, I just invade wherever they are trying to be and dogs, being dogs, will give way to whoever is in charge. Since I control food and access to outside and all fun activities, I'm in charge without every laying a finger on them.) So to appease Crazy Lady who Controls All Good Things, the dogs just did what had been expected of them in the past. Who knows, maybe the appeasement would work and I'd act like it never happened.
This is quite a bit like when Bug is warned that a certain behavior will earn her a certain consequence. Right now we're dealing with some lying issues and I consider lying a pretty big rule infraction. Bug hates going potty for whatever reason and twice I've caught her telling me she went and then I find out she didn't. Bug knows that if she lies about potty before bed, she will not get a story. Both times, even though I said "You'd better go potty because if I find out you are lying to me, you will not get a story", she took the risk. Then when she got caught, she instantly went into appeasement mode. Suddenly she couldn't go potty, brush her teeth, put on her jammies, and get into bed fast enough - things that are usually a struggle. And she mentioned her story several times during all of this. She hadn't forgotten - she knows full well that there is a consequence for lying - but she's hoping by doing everything else right, things she's been resistant to doing in the past, I'll forget and/or be appeased. Instead, I gently reminded her that she was not getting a story because she lied, tucked her in with the usual love and kisses, and left.
Bug's grasp of the consequence happened after only one incident while it took the dogs quite a bit longer to read my voice and body language, but the end result is still the same - the sudden urge to do exactly what is expected. It's not really guilt acting as much as it is appeasement behavior so things can go back to being the regular pleasant routine it usually is. Dogs don't have morals so they can't feel guilt. Humans do have morals and can feel guilt, but it takes some time to develop and Bug is still developing the finer points. And appeasement and guilt can go hand in hand for humans, but a dog is a dog is a dog. They do what works and we love them for it. Usually.
(And before anyone criticizes me for locking up my dogs or however that may appear, let me just say that the dogs' room is actually my husband's rec room with my husband's office on one side and a half open Dutch door to the kitchen on the other. It has windows, climate control, water, comfy beds and is where we usually do our socializing. The dogs aren't outcasts, they are just put in a room near family traffic without being in the way so I can better manage the insanity in my home. They choose to go there on their own and generally spend their days and nights with the family.)
I put Sprout down, cleaned up the mess, and went about my afternoon. I realized that both dogs were in "their" room, all on their own, as flat as possible on their respective dog beds, pretending to be invisible. Neither one made eye contact with me, although they both followed me with their invisible eyes in their invisible heads. (Because I am a mom to both canines and humans I can see invisible things like lost shoes, vegetables, empty toilet paper rolls, and misbehaving creatures that no one else in the house can see.)
Now some may say "Oh the dogs knew they did something wrong" or "those dogs are acting guilty." I beg to differ. Once the "goodies" were out of the diapers, the dog pretty much put it all out of his (maybe her) mind. However, the dogs have learned from past experience that if I let out an exasperated growl, chances are they are going to get closed off in their room. And in the past when the dogs have ignored the direction to go to their room, it usually involves a scold and a persistent body block which they would rather avoid. (Body block = me getting big and tall and moving into their space. I never touch them, I just invade wherever they are trying to be and dogs, being dogs, will give way to whoever is in charge. Since I control food and access to outside and all fun activities, I'm in charge without every laying a finger on them.) So to appease Crazy Lady who Controls All Good Things, the dogs just did what had been expected of them in the past. Who knows, maybe the appeasement would work and I'd act like it never happened.
This is quite a bit like when Bug is warned that a certain behavior will earn her a certain consequence. Right now we're dealing with some lying issues and I consider lying a pretty big rule infraction. Bug hates going potty for whatever reason and twice I've caught her telling me she went and then I find out she didn't. Bug knows that if she lies about potty before bed, she will not get a story. Both times, even though I said "You'd better go potty because if I find out you are lying to me, you will not get a story", she took the risk. Then when she got caught, she instantly went into appeasement mode. Suddenly she couldn't go potty, brush her teeth, put on her jammies, and get into bed fast enough - things that are usually a struggle. And she mentioned her story several times during all of this. She hadn't forgotten - she knows full well that there is a consequence for lying - but she's hoping by doing everything else right, things she's been resistant to doing in the past, I'll forget and/or be appeased. Instead, I gently reminded her that she was not getting a story because she lied, tucked her in with the usual love and kisses, and left.
Bug's grasp of the consequence happened after only one incident while it took the dogs quite a bit longer to read my voice and body language, but the end result is still the same - the sudden urge to do exactly what is expected. It's not really guilt acting as much as it is appeasement behavior so things can go back to being the regular pleasant routine it usually is. Dogs don't have morals so they can't feel guilt. Humans do have morals and can feel guilt, but it takes some time to develop and Bug is still developing the finer points. And appeasement and guilt can go hand in hand for humans, but a dog is a dog is a dog. They do what works and we love them for it. Usually.
(And before anyone criticizes me for locking up my dogs or however that may appear, let me just say that the dogs' room is actually my husband's rec room with my husband's office on one side and a half open Dutch door to the kitchen on the other. It has windows, climate control, water, comfy beds and is where we usually do our socializing. The dogs aren't outcasts, they are just put in a room near family traffic without being in the way so I can better manage the insanity in my home. They choose to go there on their own and generally spend their days and nights with the family.)
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