Food Fights?

Now, I'll admit I have a Lab who eats everything, so I've never really had to experience the frustation of a dog who tries to starve himself. However, the cairn terrier I had growing up would just randomly decide she wasn't hungry. One day she'd eat all of her kibble, the next she'd take a bite or two and that was that, then maybe she'd eat only half of her food for the next week. My parents never let us get upset about it. She ate what she ate and it was offered between 5 and 5:30 pm - whatever she didn't eat was just put away and fed the next day. She lived to be 16 years old and weighed exactly 12 lbs her entire adult life. She was still up to doing 5 mile hikes at the age of 12, so apparently she knew what she was doing when it came to eating.

Havana is slightly more discriminating than Cousteau. My dogs eat a raw diet and the first time I introduced lamb it sat in her dish for awhile. I gave her 15 minutes and whatever was still there was placed back in the fridge until the next meal. That evening she ate it all just fine. We went through the same thing with pork and again, one after one missed meal she decided the new food wasn't so evil. Organ meat is a different story. If organs aren't mixed in with her food, she won't eat them plain.

I repeated the "take up the dish until the next meal" routine with organ meat on top of her other food. Nope, she ate around the organs again. I've offered them to her on several different occasions and each time she looks into the bowl, looks at me, then eats everything she can without touching the organ blend. She just doesn't like them!

Now, I could get worried about this - after all, dogs are supposed to like organ meat. In fact, in a home prepared raw diet, organs are essential. I could spoon feed the organs to her, force feed them, saute them in olive oil and garlic, beg and cry, or find a way to hide the organs so she will eat them. I've elected to hide her organ meat. And if she doesn't eat it a time or two, she's not going to keel over and die. My meals aren't all perfectly balanced, but I do achieve a balanced diet over time. My feeding methods seem really harsh to some people, but it works for me and my dogs are all very healthy.


I employ the same basic philosophy for feeding BabyBug. Granted, her meat is cooked instead of raw, but overall, I'm not going to cater to her every dietary whim. For the most part, Bug's attitude toward food is the same as Cousteau's (the hazards of a baby's first solid "food" being Lab fur, I guess). Sometimes she just isn't hungry, or she is feeling picky. Thankfully a friend told me that toddlers can be like that sometimes so I knew not to worry too much the first time it happened.

What we do with Bug is pretty simple. Whatever is on her plate is what she's offered that meal. If she doesn't want it, she doesn't have to eat it, but I'm not going to keep offering her foods at that meal until she does eat. She can sit at the table with us and we'll offer her bites from time to time, but if she refuses, it's not a big deal. And when she says she's done, we let her be done regardless of how much she's eaten.

Generally speaking, Bug likes to try new foods, especially if Momma and Daddy are clearly enjoying it. (This is another way Bug and Cousteau are so much alike!) I always encourage her to eat one bite of everything on her plate and if she doesn't want it after that, then she doesn't have to eat it. This is different from my house growing up where the rule was "clean your plate or you don't get dessert", even if the meal was pot roast, mashed potatoes, and lima bean succotash - yech!!! But I was going to choke that down for the promise of a cookie afterwards. It's not my parents' fault - that's what children were expected to do back then - but I have just recently taken off 30 lbs and had to re-evaluate how I eat. I figured out a big part of my problem was the eating habits I learned as a child. So we never force Bug to clean her plate. And as a result, at her 18 month check up, the nurse looked over Bug's records and double checked her weight and said it was unusual for an 18 month old to gain weight from the 12 month check up. Bug's weight is perfect for her height, but even though she's *extremely* active, she eats enough to make up for the expended calories. The nurse was impressed. :)

I will add that I always have something I know she will eat on her plate. If we're trying something new with her - like pork chops - and I don't know how she'll feel about them, I will put a few pieces of pork on her plate, but be sure to have something like corn or cheese on her plate, too. That way if she truly doesn't like the pork but is hungry, she still has something she enjoys eating to fill her up. I also introduce a food several times. For months Bug would have nothing to do with chicken, but every time I made chicken I would place a bite on her plate and encourage her to eat it. She would refuse. Last month, after at least 10 refused chicken offerings, she ate the meat off of an entire chicken leg! She still isn't a big chicken eater, but whenever she takes a bite we let her know we're happy she's trying something new and leave it at that.

By taking a "she'll eat when she's hungry" approach for my dog and my baby, both of whom I know have no medical problems, meal times are a lot less stressful than they would be if I obsessed over what was and was not going into her mouth. It makes meal times much more fun for everyone.

Extinction Burst

When Cousteau was about 18 months old he developed a terribly annoying habit of barking wildly and jumping at me whenever he wanted something, like the tennis ball or a treat. I read up and realized that Cousteau was doing something called a "demand bark" - essentially demanding whatever it was he wanted by being obnoxious. The best way to deal with this is to ignore the dog during that bad behavior, then redirect or do what the dog wanted when he calms down.

The problem with ignoring the dog is if he doesn't get what he wanted by barking, he's going to continue barking harder and harder and being more and more obnoxious, because barking and being a brat is what worked in the past. Sort of like when my husband tried to control the TiVo when the remote had dead batteries. Pushing the buttons always got what he wanted in the past, so he kept trying it, with slight variations before finally trying something different. The key is to *not* give into the bad behavior while it escalates, since it will eventually stop and the dog will try something new. This is called an extinction burst in the psychology world. If you do give in at the height of the extinction burst, you've made your job that much harder, since you just taught that job that if at first he doesn't succeed, try, try, try again.

Within about 3 weeks, Cousteau stopped demand barking, since every time he barked, I turned my back and walked away from him. He very rarely barks now since sitting politely and looking tends to get him what he wants much more quickly. Don't get me wrong, it was a long 3 weeks. I got several bruises and scratches from his annoying display and the neighbors thought we'd really lost it, but in the end it was so worth it.

Tonight we experienced a case of demand "barking" and an extinction burst with BabyBug. The child is addicted to Elmo, much like I'm addicted to chocolate chip cookies. In both cases, they're wonderful and we'd both indulge all day, but neither addiction is good for us. Bug walked into the living room, sat down, and requested Elmo. I told her "No. No Elmo today." Her Daddy walked into the room and she again requested Elmo. He told her "No. Momma says no Elmo today." From that point on, Bug pleaded, demanded, screamed, and shrieked about Elmo. Over and over ElmoElmoElmoElmoElmoElmoElmo. Then she got crafty and started getting into trouble in the hopes we'd put on Elmo to distract her. That didn't work, so she went back to shrieking Elmo.

This wasn't fun by any means, but there was no reason to turn the TV on in the middle of such a nice day. DH and I kept looking at each other and trying not to grimace or laugh, depending on what method Bug was using to cajole us, but other than repeating "No. No Elmo today." we ignored her.

Finally our persistance paid off and Bug found something else to do. She sorted a toy set for awhile and then brewed some tea for her Daddy and I. Then we read a couple of Elmo books. :) It was a sweet day and we wouldn't have had that if we'd given in let her watch TV. And with any luck, she's starting to learn that when Momma and Daddy say "no", we do mean it. A mom can hope, right?

Be Careful What You Wish For...

I hate puppies. Really. They're great when they belong to someone else and I can pet them and watch them play and then they go somewhere else, but I'd rather not have a puppy in my home. Ironically, last summer I brought a puppy into my home. While I prefer a completely untrained, full grown adolescent dog any day of the week, I knew I wanted a performance pet and I stood a better chance of getting that with a puppy than a rescue dog. Don't get me wrong, rescued dogs can be awesome performers, but for a variety of reasons, I got a collie puppy. I don't regret getting her, I just wish she'd been born an adolescent and skip the whole puppy thing.

Puppies are some of the most adorable things on this planet, for the first 5 months or so. Then they start to look like adults and act like teenagers with sharp teeth. They still tend to pee on everything, may not be sleeping through the night yet, and have the attention span of a gnat with ADHD.

While my Havana was adorable, she was also all of the above. She'd pee on the floor and I'd say "I can't wait until you're 7 or 8 months and have a big enough bladder to hold it better." She'd go into the show ring and wiggle around and I'd say "I wish you were older already so you'd be less wiggly for the judge." The little beastie still chews on inappropriate things and I say "I can't wait for you to be two when you're more likely to stop that sort of thing." The list goes on and on.

Havana is a year now and much of her annoying puppiness is gone. She still has some problems - like the chewing - that are on going, but at least she's got a bigger bladder and a longer attention span. I don't miss her puppy days at all. If I do, I look at her pictures, remember how cute she was, but also how sharp her teeth were and how much she barked and my puppy pangs are gone. She is a wonderful dog because of her puppyhood and I'm grateful for it, but I'm also grateful those days are a minority compared to the long life I hope we'll have together.

In contrast, I have loved just about every minute of BabyBug's life so far. Even when she gets into tantrums or is sick, I keep telling myself that this won't last forever. And when she is older and gets angry or frustrated, those tantrums are probably going to look pretty good. And she may not want to cuddle with me on the couch when she's sick, so I try to look for the good in the bad times.

I recently caught myself saying "I can't wait for you to be able to really talk." I instantly took it back. I can wait. It's just so much fun hearing her pick the words to formulate her thoughts. Yesterday she realized my husband wasn't in his office and she thought about it for a little bit and said "Bye bye...Daddy. Bye bye." It was neat, much neater than if she was able to say right off the bat "Daddy's not in his office right now. Where did he go?" Those days will come soon enough. These days of exploring language are just so short.

Thinking back, I had to make myself slow down and enjoy her current moments several times. Yes, I couldn't wait for her to roll over, but then she didn't want to nap curled up in my arms on the couch. I wished that she could walk so I didn't have to break my back carrying her all of the time - but then she wouldn't do her funky little Frankenbaby crawl, so I stopped wishing. I knew enough not to wish her into walking too fast after that - after all, then nothing in the house would be sacred! (And it's not...) I was excited for her to eat solid food, but I didn't push it too fast because I was finally enjoying nursing her.

It's ironic that someone who is trying desperately to hold onto every moment of my child's babyhood would wish my dog's puppyhood away so quickly. I'm not sure why it is, but there you go. Whether it's a puppy or a baby, be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it! And if you do, who knows what you'll be giving up in return for the new horizons.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

I recently did a behavior consult with someone who just adopted a puppy from the rescue I work with. The dog has some issues with being left alone. One of the points I really stressed is to make leaving and coming back very low key, even to the point of ignoring the dog apart from a "see ya later". The farewell should be very basic and dull, but the dog should be left with some kind of special treat to enjoy while alone.

The day after the consult I needed to leave BabyBug with my mom. Whenever I leave Bug with a sitter I make goofy faces, dance around waving bye-bye, blow kisses, generally make a fool out of myself. I started doing this the first time I left Bug with my aunt and Bug was a bit alarmed to be left. My aunt was about ready to slug me when I started playing and hiding and popping out again to say "bye bye!", but pretty soon Bug was lauging. Once she was happy I left and she was fine for the evening.

Now, I do know that dogs and children are different creatures, but why does the "bye-bye" game work for Bug and not for my dogs? Why do my dogs prefer that I leave with a "see ya" and a treat while Bug gets upset if that's all I do? After much thought, it became clear - in both cases I've made my leaving a ritual to look forward to. If the dogs only get stuffed Kongs when I leave, then hey, don't let the door hit me on the way out! And Bug gets to play a bit of peek-a-boo, hang out outside for a bit, and show off her waving and kiss-blowing skills when I leave. What constitutes "fun" is different for different creatures, but it's important that being left by the primary caregiver is a fun event and not something to dread.

One other thing that seems to be the same for both dogs and children is to make it known that you're leaving, rather than sneaking off. If you make a habit of sneaking off and then disappearing, you will never be able to go anywhere alone again. Neither dogs nor babies will want to risk you leaving the room for fear that you'll go "poof" - and if you try you'll probably wind up with some screaming.

Work! Work! Work!

My friend's border collie is a workaholic. If he doesn't get to train in obedience or agility every day he literally shakes and whimpers like a scared bird. Sprocket is an extreme example of a dog who needs a job. But really, most dogs need some sort of job to give them something to focus on and use up their energy. When we think of dogs with jobs we tend to think of herding dogs on a ranch, police dogs, service dogs, that sort of thing. But so many things can fulfill a dog's need to do something, but sometimes that job needs to be trained or redirected. Giving a dog a backpack to wear or toy to carry on a walk can help him to walk more nicely on a leash.

Cousteau doesn't have much work. He's basically pretty lazy. His jobs are mainly to clean our peanut butter and yogurt containers for the recycling bin, accepting what the baby does to him (always under supervision), and monitoring doors and window for intruders. When he's on the job you can see it in his eyes that he knows he's helping out. And being told he's a good boy for his work seems to mean more to him than a "good boy" when he brings back a ball during fetch or for sitting. He wants to work with me - he just doesn't want to work to hard to do it!

Some dogs need a job, no matter how simple, just to be able to settle, whether with you or on their own. It's as if they can't quite figure out on their own what needs to be done. Being told that their job is to chew on a toy or lay on their bed is enough to help them understand what is expected of them.

BabyBug is a bit like my friend's border collie. She needs a job. It gives her mind something to do, keeps her out of trouble, and lets her know what we expect of her. One of her first jobs was "close the door". She figured out as soon as she could pull up on things around 9 months that it was fun to open doors. We just didn't want most of those doors opened! So we made it fun to close the door and praised her when she did it. Now she runs around banging the kitchen door closed, closing the fridge door, slamming my head into the dryer, and closing the kitchen cabinets before I'm finished putting things in them. But I'd rather she close all doors than open them with abandon. And in order to close doors she has to key into what Mama and Daddy are doing, so she is engaged with whatever we are doing.

Sometimes giving a dog or a child a job takes longer. Bug likes to help me "fold" laundry. The last batch wound up in the dog's bed. But she is so proud of herself for doing what Mama is doing and she loves it when I praise her for giving me all of the socks or pants. Eventually she'll be old enough to learn to fold and it will only be natural that she help me then since she's helped me all along. I hope she'll come to see little chores like that as just something we all do and as a chance to be together as a family.

It is amazing how settled both Bug and the dogs are when they have their jobs. They have a sense of pride, I have a helper in the making, and the jobs more fun, even if they don't get done faster. I don't mind the extra mess if it means my family is having fun.