Yesterday was cold here in Wisconsin. It is, after all, January. But we'd just had a big melt and my usual walking path was largely uncovered after a month of thick snow and ice. My dogs were glued to my side - I couldn't take a step without one in front of me and one behind. Usually it's only one being pushy at a time unless it's meal time and it wasn't. Then I remembered that after the first big snowfall I'd promised them we'd walk again when the path was visible and safe. So I leashed up the dogs and off we went.
Now the likelihood of the dogs actually remembering what I said to them a month ago, let alone understand it at the time, is debatable. But it made me think of other ears that may or may not remember what I've said and promised and how it may be interpreted.
Long, long ago in my first teaching job at a Catholic school I had a parent ask if I'd threatened to hit my students. I was shocked! I would never say, let alone do, such a thing! After a bit more conversation I stretched my mind back to a moment of frustration with my class when I said something about in my mother's day kids got whacked with a ruler for acting like this. It was meant to be cautionary, but mostly that the kids should be grateful things changed. Well, what changed was the interpretation of the comment.
I learned a couple of lessons from this:
1) What I mean to say may not be what is understood.
2) Don't say things that I can't back up with actions. In other words, don't say it if I'm not willing to do it.
These lessons have stuck with me even after I left the classroom and I use it both with my dogs and my children.
#1 is easy with dogs. Give my commands clearly and simply and things tend to work out. Not as easy with the children. While I still try to state things clearly and simply when I want to be understood, the kids key into the things I don't expect to them to understand or they misunderstand what I say.
Children, like dogs, tend to hear certain words even though they understand far more words than dogs do. (Usually.) They hear "hate" or "bad" or "stupid" and instead of hearing "I hate it when you kick my seat" they hear "I...hate...you". This has lead me to using the phrase "understand" as well as giving the child a clear alternative behavior. (Redirection - it works for dogs and kids.) Instead of "I hate it when you kick my seat" I try to remember to say "Don't kick my seat. Put your feet against your own seat instead. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" It takes longer to say, but it usually leads to less confusion and/or hurt feelings in the long run.
#2 is tough regardless of dog or child interaction. You tell a kid or dog to do something and they don't do it, what do you do? Ideally you follow through with whatever consequences have been agreed on - gently taking the dog by the collar, giving the child a time out or whatever. Remember all behavior has a consequence - will the consequence in the case of a lack of behavior be that the behavior is corrected or will the non-behavior response be allowed to continue? Hopefully you'll follow through so the child or dog doesn't learn to ignore you.
Of course it's easy for me to say this while I'm sitting, child and dog free, in a car dealership waiting for my Swagger Wagon to be ready for me. But when I'm exhausted and I've got a screaming infant and a whiny toddler and Bug tells me no, she's not going to put her things away I have a choice to make. Do I let the backpack and snow pants sit in the middle of the living room, do I put them away myself, or will there be a negative consequence for Bug? Even though it will be a pain at the moment to follow through, either with a time out, removal of privilege or something else, in the long run it will be worth it since with consistency Bug should learn that I mean what I say and it's less hassle for her to just do it when told.
DH and I have a saying and I don't remember where it's from - "Stop or I'll tell you to stop again." It applies to stubborn children and canines alike. There comes a time when you need to stop talking and start doing, even if doing means getting off my super comfy couch.
On the flip side, if I want my kids and dogs to believe that I mean what I say I have to follow through on the good things, too. This is why clicker training works (or doesn't work). Havana does an about turn well, I click to mark it and I follow up with a treat or chance to tug. If I didn't follow up the click with a reward pretty soon the click would mean nothing and she'd ignore it. This is why many of the behavior charts I've tried with Bug have failed - I don't get around to writing a check or putting a gem in the jar soon enough.
And while Bug can't or won't remember to put her backpack in the laundry room, she's sure as shootin' going to remember that I told her she could have a tea party at her next play date. I may forget in the meantime, but if I said it was going to happen, then I'd better do it so she doesn't lose trust in me. Otherwise my promises to her, whether it's of a negative consequence for bad behavior or something fun to look forward to, will mean nothing.
Which is why my dogs and I were out walking across patches of snow and ice in a 10F windchill. Because I try to mean what I say, even if no one remembers it but me. It's good practice for the times when other people do remember.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Quick Tip #2 - Yelling
If you're yelling, you've already lost control of the situation. That's not good, IMO. (And I seem to yell a lot. I'm trying to cut down.)
Monday, December 27, 2010
Quick tip - Attention seeking and giving
With the arrival of both baby Wiggle in November and Sprout's terrible twos, time is limited so I'm going to try keeping up with just some quick tips.
Quick Tip #1 - Taking time to spend one on one time with dogs or children can make your life easier.
When the dogs or children are driving me nuts I have to stop and think about the last time I gave them all my attention. Usually it's been a little while. Just a 30 minute walk or a quick board game or trip to Little People land can do wonders to settle attention seekers and allow me to get more done. And I feel less guilty.
Quick Tip #1 - Taking time to spend one on one time with dogs or children can make your life easier.
When the dogs or children are driving me nuts I have to stop and think about the last time I gave them all my attention. Usually it's been a little while. Just a 30 minute walk or a quick board game or trip to Little People land can do wonders to settle attention seekers and allow me to get more done. And I feel less guilty.
Cats and Babies
Bringing Home Baby
The Cat Edition
Go through the owner surrender cards at any shelter or rescue or look through a classifieds section and you will see a sad number of cats being given up because of a new baby. Sometimes it is an automatic response. For years old wives' tales told of cats sucking the breath from children and passing dangerous diseases around. Modern times have shown us that cats do not deliberately harm babies and that basic good hygiene protects everyone from the spread of disease. Other times new parents make quick decisions based on the emotions and disruption that happen in the first few weeks or months of a new family member and fear for the well being of their baby and/or the cat. With some preparation, this also can be less of an issue. I am certainly no expert on cat behavior, but I have successfully kept my two cats and my daughter living under the same roof for three years now. Here are some of the things I have discovered in that time.
Many people don't think about helping cats adjust to the presence of a new baby. Just because we do not typically train them the way we do dogs does not mean they will just automatically adjust to a baby. In general letting a cat pick her own pace is the best way to go, but you can help make the transition to the baby easier. One of the easiest ways is to play a baby sounds CD just as you would with a dog.
Also as with dogs, it is important to start making changes to the cat's routine and living space as soon as possible. This is especially important if you need to move the litter box. Some cats will search out the litter box no matter where you put it, but most cats are not this forgiving. Decide where you want the box to be and move it a little closer every day. Make sure it is cleaned daily so the cat has less of an excuse to avoid it. (But of course, please let the non-pregnant do the cleaning!!!)
Less tricky is deciding if food and water bowls or cat beds need to be moved for feline or baby safety. Water dishes are very fun to tip over and play in depending on size could present a drowning hazard. Dry cat food can be a choking hazard, while wet or raw cat food can harbor bacteria. Placing these items on a sturdy, secured cat tree or shelf not only protect your child, but give your cat a much needed “baby-free zone.”
Baby-free zones should be available to the cat on each level of your house. This can be a high perch (sturdy enough that a baby or toddler cannot pull the item over on themselves or the cat) or a room closed off by a gate or cat door. The space will be important during the initial chaos of bringing the baby home and especially as your child gets older and mobile. Most cats want to avoid unpleasantness once the baby is moving around, so giving them an escape is vital to everyone's happiness.
While most cats will try to escape rather than put up with a child's enthusiastic love, there are always a few who will stay or who are not fast enough to get out of range. Teaching a child the proper way to show love for the kitty is vital. Modeling “gentle pets” on the baby's own arm and encouraging soft, one handed petting instead of hugs are excellent things to start doing as soon as the baby is old enough to notice the cat. Keeping the cat's nails trimmed is just as vital to make sure any defense from the cat does as little damage as possible. You really cannot blame a cat for defending herself the only way she can when she is hurt or scared, but you can minimize scratches.
It is important to have cat-free zones as well as baby-free zones. While most of us accept the fact that cats do not suck the breath out of infants, the fact is that infants are warm, smell like milk, and are smaller than the average cat. An innocent nap for the cat can cause panic for the parents. Start keeping the cat out of the baby's room today, either by keeping the door closed or by installing a screen door so you can hear and see the baby but the cat cannot get in.
Baby toys are incredibly irresistible to cats for the same reason babies love them. They are warm, soft, cuddly, and comfortable. As adorable as it can be to see the cat curled up in the bouncy seat, you may not want to encourage the behavior. Cats can be positively trained just as dogs are. Shaking a treat jar and telling the cat “off” as it gets up to investigate is an effective way to train the cat to get up on cue. Providing even more irresistible bedding and moving the cat to that area whenever she naps in the wrong spot is also helpful.
Sometimes cats do need some extra encouragement to leave the comforts of baby items alone. In those cases there are some relatively harmless deterrents you can use. There are commercial products such as Scat-Mats, which use static electricity, or SSSCat and Spray Sentry, which use compressed air, to dissuade a cat from a crib or blanket. Or you can use something simpler such as balloons, tin foil, carpet tape, nubby plastic carpet protectors (the side you usually toward the carpet), or netting to discourage a cat. Since they are mostly interested in comfort, most cats will break the habit of trying to access those areas after a few weeks of finding them blocked.
List of Resources for Baby Friendly Dog Stuff
Baby sounds CD:
Websites and Online resources:
http://dogtrainersbaby.blogspot.com/- one dog trainer's blog comparing raising her daughter to how she trains her dogs.
www.ourdogsonline.com – a very supportive community with good advice about dog training, care, nutrition, etc.
www.sitstay.com, amazon.com, www.cleanrun.com, www.planetdog.com – just a few places where you can find many toys and supplies to keep your dog occupied.
Problem-Solving Toys and Chewies:
Kong and Goodie Ship – available at most pet stores and wonderful for placing food and treats in, topping with peanut butter, cream cheese, yogurt, etc. and freezing.
Tricky Treat Ball, Moleculeball, Twist & Treat – toys that can hold almost an entire meal's worth of dog food, but takes at least 15 minutes to empty. These can be found in local pet stores or online.
Sonik Soft Dog Toys – squeaky toys that only your dog can hear.
Chase N Pull Dog Toy and Nifty Pet Exerciser – two different toys that your dog can chase while you're sitting in a comfortable place.
Orbee Tuffee balls and bones – you can stuff them with treats or some dogs just like them as they are. The balls tend to bounce on their own, which can keep a dog busy for quite some time. They've held up fairly well to the power-chewing Lab's jaws, as well as to the incessant teething of my Collie puppy.
Bully Sticks – www.bullysticksonline.com is where I've found the best price for bullies that don't smell, but I'm sure you can find them elsewhere.
Antler Chews – found at http://www.petexpertise.com, among other places.
Don't Forget Fido!
The next few posts will be things that I've written in the past and can never find on my computer when I need them. So here they are!
This list was compiled while I was confined to bed rest at the end of my first pregnancy.
My poor dog Cousteau didn’t know what to make of his mom not getting off the couch or
out of bed. I had been his primary source of fun and mental stimulation and now I wasn’t
much of anything. And, since the baby was due within a matter of weeks, I knew that
things weren’t going to get any more exciting for Cousteau in the near future. Here are
some things I did (or wished I did) to make sure my dog knew that he was still a part of
this family. Keep these things in mind whether you are expecting a new addition to your
family, you are temporarily out of commission, life takes a hectic turn for awhile, or any
reason you find yourself with less time than you’re used to.
1.) Review what your dog already knows. Not only does this remind your dog that the old
rules still apply in a new situation, but quick drills exercise your dog’s mind and can help
him relax. Don’t worry about trying to find a 30 minute chunk of time – taking a minute
or two here and there as you go about your day is just as effective. So, use that down time
while you’re waiting for coffee to brew, as your computer boots up, something cooks in
the microwave, on your way to the mailbox, or even in the bathroom to spend some
quality time with your dog.
2.) Teach your dog a new trick. Things like turning in a circle, offering a paw, rolling
over, crawling, etc. are relatively easy to teach in short training sessions of a few minutes
here and there. They are also relatively low pressure to teach and are just plain fun!
3.) Use modern technology to make your life easier. There are many devices on the
market that allow you to launch a tennis ball a great distance with very little effort on
your part. My favorite is the Chuck It which works wonders for taking the edge off of a
ball crazy dog. A Chuck It, a lawn chair (for you) and 10 minutes before or after work
may not completely exhaust your dog, but it can help. Or if it’s dark when you have time
to spend time with your dog, there are a number of glow in the dark balls on the market.
4.) Investigate the possibility of a dog walker or doggie day care. Most dogs really
benefit from the care of experienced professionals in these services. You benefit from a
dog that has had physical and mental exercise as well as companionship for a portion of
the day.
5.) Enlist the help of trusted relatives, neighbors, or friends. Asking someone to take your
dog with them on their daily walk, with their dog to the dog park, for an overnight visit,
or to come over and play fetch with your dog can really give you and your dog a break. If
you don’t have anyone like that near you, there is no shame in checking your dog into a
kennel for a night to give you a bit of a rest. Some kennels are more like summer camps
with lots of activities and play for your dog – she probably won’t even know you’re
gone!
6.) Enroll in a class. Most classes are only 45-60 minutes a week – not so much time in
the grand scheme of things. If your dog’s obedience is already pretty good consider
trying something new like Rally, agility, flyball, tricks and games, canine musical
freestyle, or a therapy dog class. Even if you never compete, it can be fun to learn new
things with your dog. Shuffling your schedule to make time can be difficult, but
ultimately worth it.
7.) Take a walk. We all know that 30 minutes of exercise 4-5 times a week is beneficial
for our health. Combine a healthy activity with your dog’s quality time and you both win!
If your dog doesn’t walk nicely on a leash, consider using a product such as a Gentle
Leader, or Easy Walk harness to better manage your dog.
8.) Groom. No matter if your dog has long or short hair, grooming is an important aspect
of dog ownership. Not only can it help to reduce shedding, deal with mats, improve skin
condition, and make your dog look his best, but it is a nice way for the two of you to
bond. If your dog doesn’t currently like getting groomed, this can be the time for you to
work on associating the brush, tooth brush, or nail trimmers with good and wonderful
things.
9.) Designate a co-pilot. If the weather is cool enough (less than 70 degrees) and your dog
likes car rides, bring her along while you run errands. A crate or special dog seat belt will
keep your canine co-pilot safe and confined in the backseat while still allowing the dog to
look out the window for a change of scenery. And it gives you someone to talk to while
discussing the heritage and intelligence of the other drivers on the road.
10.) Take five to cuddle. What could be a nicer way to start or end your day than taking
five or ten minutes to just sit quietly with your dog and cuddle? Studies have shown that
petting an animal helps us to decompress from stress and it is just as good for your dog as
it is for you. So ignore the phone, leave the email unanswered, or soak dishes in the sink
and curl up with your dog on the couch or with some floor pillows and just enjoy being
together. After all, isn’t that why we got our dogs in the first place?
©2005 Jill R. Miller – Originally posted at www.ourdogsonline.com
This list was compiled while I was confined to bed rest at the end of my first pregnancy.
My poor dog Cousteau didn’t know what to make of his mom not getting off the couch or
out of bed. I had been his primary source of fun and mental stimulation and now I wasn’t
much of anything. And, since the baby was due within a matter of weeks, I knew that
things weren’t going to get any more exciting for Cousteau in the near future. Here are
some things I did (or wished I did) to make sure my dog knew that he was still a part of
this family. Keep these things in mind whether you are expecting a new addition to your
family, you are temporarily out of commission, life takes a hectic turn for awhile, or any
reason you find yourself with less time than you’re used to.
1.) Review what your dog already knows. Not only does this remind your dog that the old
rules still apply in a new situation, but quick drills exercise your dog’s mind and can help
him relax. Don’t worry about trying to find a 30 minute chunk of time – taking a minute
or two here and there as you go about your day is just as effective. So, use that down time
while you’re waiting for coffee to brew, as your computer boots up, something cooks in
the microwave, on your way to the mailbox, or even in the bathroom to spend some
quality time with your dog.
2.) Teach your dog a new trick. Things like turning in a circle, offering a paw, rolling
over, crawling, etc. are relatively easy to teach in short training sessions of a few minutes
here and there. They are also relatively low pressure to teach and are just plain fun!
3.) Use modern technology to make your life easier. There are many devices on the
market that allow you to launch a tennis ball a great distance with very little effort on
your part. My favorite is the Chuck It which works wonders for taking the edge off of a
ball crazy dog. A Chuck It, a lawn chair (for you) and 10 minutes before or after work
may not completely exhaust your dog, but it can help. Or if it’s dark when you have time
to spend time with your dog, there are a number of glow in the dark balls on the market.
4.) Investigate the possibility of a dog walker or doggie day care. Most dogs really
benefit from the care of experienced professionals in these services. You benefit from a
dog that has had physical and mental exercise as well as companionship for a portion of
the day.
5.) Enlist the help of trusted relatives, neighbors, or friends. Asking someone to take your
dog with them on their daily walk, with their dog to the dog park, for an overnight visit,
or to come over and play fetch with your dog can really give you and your dog a break. If
you don’t have anyone like that near you, there is no shame in checking your dog into a
kennel for a night to give you a bit of a rest. Some kennels are more like summer camps
with lots of activities and play for your dog – she probably won’t even know you’re
gone!
6.) Enroll in a class. Most classes are only 45-60 minutes a week – not so much time in
the grand scheme of things. If your dog’s obedience is already pretty good consider
trying something new like Rally, agility, flyball, tricks and games, canine musical
freestyle, or a therapy dog class. Even if you never compete, it can be fun to learn new
things with your dog. Shuffling your schedule to make time can be difficult, but
ultimately worth it.
7.) Take a walk. We all know that 30 minutes of exercise 4-5 times a week is beneficial
for our health. Combine a healthy activity with your dog’s quality time and you both win!
If your dog doesn’t walk nicely on a leash, consider using a product such as a Gentle
Leader, or Easy Walk harness to better manage your dog.
8.) Groom. No matter if your dog has long or short hair, grooming is an important aspect
of dog ownership. Not only can it help to reduce shedding, deal with mats, improve skin
condition, and make your dog look his best, but it is a nice way for the two of you to
bond. If your dog doesn’t currently like getting groomed, this can be the time for you to
work on associating the brush, tooth brush, or nail trimmers with good and wonderful
things.
9.) Designate a co-pilot. If the weather is cool enough (less than 70 degrees) and your dog
likes car rides, bring her along while you run errands. A crate or special dog seat belt will
keep your canine co-pilot safe and confined in the backseat while still allowing the dog to
look out the window for a change of scenery. And it gives you someone to talk to while
discussing the heritage and intelligence of the other drivers on the road.
10.) Take five to cuddle. What could be a nicer way to start or end your day than taking
five or ten minutes to just sit quietly with your dog and cuddle? Studies have shown that
petting an animal helps us to decompress from stress and it is just as good for your dog as
it is for you. So ignore the phone, leave the email unanswered, or soak dishes in the sink
and curl up with your dog on the couch or with some floor pillows and just enjoy being
together. After all, isn’t that why we got our dogs in the first place?
©2005 Jill R. Miller – Originally posted at www.ourdogsonline.com
Saturday, August 21, 2010
The Great Flood (of Stimulus)
Today our family had a chance to go to see a USF2000 race. My father-in-law works for the series owners and we were able to get VIP passes and watch the action from the pits. You would think that since one of Bug's all time favorite movies is Cars that this would be the best day of her life. Unfortunately Bug is also noise sensitive, so what should have been lots of fun for her turned out to be torturous.
The drive into the pits was lots of fun. The window were rolled up and the A/C was on. Grandpa met us and we got out of the car, which was parked next to where the cars line up to start the race. Two lines of cars starting their engines all at the same time. It wasn't so bad when they drove off and we couldn't see them any more and they were quieter because of the distance, but then we decided to watch the action from the grandstand.
Walking under the track was fun. Walking along the access road through a wooded area was cool, but as soon as we got to the grandstands the cars were passing by right next to us. Bug was not impressed and she wanted to go back to our car. Then she convinced herself that it would be quieter at the top of the grandstand so we took off.
I thought once we were away from the track and safe Bug would settle down, but instead Bug's anxiety increased lap after lap. She started to cover her ears as the cars passed, then as soon as she heard them coming around the other side of the track. Soon her hands weren't big enough to block out enough noise so she grabbed mine to cover her ears. She started getting upset whenever I'd remove my hands, even when there were no cars in sight. Instead of getting used to the noise, she got more and more upset the longer we were there. I think as her anxiety increased there just wasn't enough time for her to relax again before the cars came by and her anxiety spiked again. Because she was already worked up, her anxiety wound higher and higher until she was just a mass of nerves.
This made me think of noise sensitive dogs and how so often we do exactly the wrong thing with them. The temptation is to get them closer to the sound so they can see that the noise won't hurt them. Whether it's intentional or not, we flood the dogs with aversive stimuli (the scary thing). In some cases the dog will habituate or gradually get used to the scary thing, but more often than not that flood of stimuli will cause the dog to get more and more afraid of it for the same reason Bug did. The dogs don't have a chance to relax and clear their systems of the "fight or flight" adrenaline that has built up in their systems. On top of the fear, we've just proven to the dog that we humans can't be trusted to protect the dog from scary stuff. (Or that parents won't protect the frightened child.)
What is far better for both children and dogs in the presence of something scary like this is to find a spot where they are comfortable and then take a step back from there. Once they are completely comfortable at that level (officially called "sub threshold"), you can take a step forward - figuratively or literally depending on the situation. But the important thing is to let the one who is afraid give cues when it's time to move forward, not some timetable we've set up. After all, we're not the ones who's bodies are trying to tell us to take evasive action or we'll die, which is what happens in these situations. Fear isn't rational, it's an ancient survival technique.
In a dog's case using treats can be very useful to feeling comfortable at level A before moving to level B. Using food in emotional situations is frowned on for children and the difference is that humans will always be controlling a dog's food input (or should be), but a child will one day be an adult and they need to learn how to cope without relying on food as a crutch. This could be hypocritical, but honestly, I don't care. Treats work for dogs so I use them.
Play is a useful option for both fearful children and dogs. Havana and I have braved scary situations by using games of tug to get closer to or past the evil. Playing fetch in a safe area closer and closer to an aversive stimuli can also be effective. If I'd been prepared with Bug I'd have brought bubbles, a magnifying glass, her camera and other things that she enjoys doing outside and we'd have started exploring away from the track and wandered closer as Bug felt comfortable.
Basically my point is that contrary to some big name TV dog trainers and the old fashioned belief that a scared child just needs to "suck it up" or "be a man", slow and positive introduction moving at a comfortable pace set by the one who is afraid is a more surefire way to get the results you want. And it's less traumatic for all involved.
The drive into the pits was lots of fun. The window were rolled up and the A/C was on. Grandpa met us and we got out of the car, which was parked next to where the cars line up to start the race. Two lines of cars starting their engines all at the same time. It wasn't so bad when they drove off and we couldn't see them any more and they were quieter because of the distance, but then we decided to watch the action from the grandstand.
Walking under the track was fun. Walking along the access road through a wooded area was cool, but as soon as we got to the grandstands the cars were passing by right next to us. Bug was not impressed and she wanted to go back to our car. Then she convinced herself that it would be quieter at the top of the grandstand so we took off.
I thought once we were away from the track and safe Bug would settle down, but instead Bug's anxiety increased lap after lap. She started to cover her ears as the cars passed, then as soon as she heard them coming around the other side of the track. Soon her hands weren't big enough to block out enough noise so she grabbed mine to cover her ears. She started getting upset whenever I'd remove my hands, even when there were no cars in sight. Instead of getting used to the noise, she got more and more upset the longer we were there. I think as her anxiety increased there just wasn't enough time for her to relax again before the cars came by and her anxiety spiked again. Because she was already worked up, her anxiety wound higher and higher until she was just a mass of nerves.
This made me think of noise sensitive dogs and how so often we do exactly the wrong thing with them. The temptation is to get them closer to the sound so they can see that the noise won't hurt them. Whether it's intentional or not, we flood the dogs with aversive stimuli (the scary thing). In some cases the dog will habituate or gradually get used to the scary thing, but more often than not that flood of stimuli will cause the dog to get more and more afraid of it for the same reason Bug did. The dogs don't have a chance to relax and clear their systems of the "fight or flight" adrenaline that has built up in their systems. On top of the fear, we've just proven to the dog that we humans can't be trusted to protect the dog from scary stuff. (Or that parents won't protect the frightened child.)
What is far better for both children and dogs in the presence of something scary like this is to find a spot where they are comfortable and then take a step back from there. Once they are completely comfortable at that level (officially called "sub threshold"), you can take a step forward - figuratively or literally depending on the situation. But the important thing is to let the one who is afraid give cues when it's time to move forward, not some timetable we've set up. After all, we're not the ones who's bodies are trying to tell us to take evasive action or we'll die, which is what happens in these situations. Fear isn't rational, it's an ancient survival technique.
In a dog's case using treats can be very useful to feeling comfortable at level A before moving to level B. Using food in emotional situations is frowned on for children and the difference is that humans will always be controlling a dog's food input (or should be), but a child will one day be an adult and they need to learn how to cope without relying on food as a crutch. This could be hypocritical, but honestly, I don't care. Treats work for dogs so I use them.
Play is a useful option for both fearful children and dogs. Havana and I have braved scary situations by using games of tug to get closer to or past the evil. Playing fetch in a safe area closer and closer to an aversive stimuli can also be effective. If I'd been prepared with Bug I'd have brought bubbles, a magnifying glass, her camera and other things that she enjoys doing outside and we'd have started exploring away from the track and wandered closer as Bug felt comfortable.
Basically my point is that contrary to some big name TV dog trainers and the old fashioned belief that a scared child just needs to "suck it up" or "be a man", slow and positive introduction moving at a comfortable pace set by the one who is afraid is a more surefire way to get the results you want. And it's less traumatic for all involved.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Patience...is a virtue...
...and of course I want to be virtuous. Usually. But patience is not easy to come by. Sometimes we just don't have a choice.
When Havana was a puppy, I'd already been a professional dog trainer for about 4 years. I was doing everything "right" - puppy classes, careful socialization, relationship building, etc. We were enrolled in puppy class where I work and it was a lot of fun, although humbling that I was a student in a class I've been teaching for so long. Even more humbling - my puppy Would. Not. Down. I could usually lure her down with a food treat, but as the weeks progressed and the other puppies were downing on a hand signal and then verbal cue, Havana and I were still using a lure or it wouldn't happen.
We had some progress when I started pretending I had a food lure in my hand and then immediately treating her for the right response or if I kept the food lure in my hand and gave her a different treat. But I was still attaching the darn treat to her nose and bringing it down to the floor two months after we'd started class!
Suddenly one day the light bulb went on. Not for me - I still don't quite know what happened. Havana must have just put two and two together and got four and then couldn't figure out why I hadn't simply told her that earlier. She became a downing fool. We had lots of baby gates up and I'd often ask her to down before opening one (work the weakest behavior for frequent reward). Pretty soon she had a decent remote down going.
This remote down has now translated into amazing things. When Havana comes to puppy class with me to help with puppies who need tutoring in Canine Body Language, I can down her in a room of loose puppies from a few feet away. When we work sheep I can down her 50 ft away with 4 or 5 sheep between us. If she's in the yard and barking madly at rogue squirrels or leaves that dare to fall before autumn, I can down her from a distance to hush her for a bit. She's got down figured out and then some! I just needed patience for her to understand what I wanted in her own time, rather than on the time line I'd set up in my class.
Now I have my darling Sprout. Smart, beautiful, funny, goofy - everything a mother could want for her child. (Not that I'm biased.) Now most kids I know, including big sister Bug, my husband and I way back when, all took first steps before the first birthday. Not my Sprout. She wasn't really interested even in cruising around furniture at that point. Why bother? Crawling got her whatever she wanted. Developmentally she was fine - she just didn't feel like walking.
I could have spent a lot of time freaking out, and I did to a point, but I didn't want to make this a big deal to her. I knew she'd do it eventually and all the freaking, cajoling, and begging on my part wouldn't make it happen before she was ready. I built a safe framework for her - offering her toys from a distance that would encourage a first step, praising her for the little bit of cruising she bothered to do, walking with her while holding her hands, etc. But still nothing.
Finally on February 27, just before she turned 15 months old she took 3 steps to my dad. (He's currently deciding on which font for the bronze plaque he'll be placing in the house.) Hallelujah she's walking! We bought baby walking shoes and waited for the chaos to begin. And waited. And waited. And waited...
While she now knew she could take steps and would take one or two from time to time, she would still rather crawl. Since she's officially "walked" before 15 months we'd made the cut off the pediatrician had set so I didn't worry about that any more. But it took two more months for Sprout to decide walking was worth the effort and to do it regularly. And now at 19 months she's running just like the kids who'd been walking since 10 months.
The point of all this? Milestones and guidelines are simply suggestions, not ironclad rules for how puppies or babies are supposed to develop. As long as there are no additional signs indicating that there may be a problem, all of the worrying and fussing in the world will not cause a puppy or child to move along at the pace we think they should. And when they figure it out on their own, they'll progress as fast as they need to in order to do what they want to get done.
Now if people would just stop trying to freak me out that Sprout isn't talking yet. Really, I think she's proven that she's an independent spirit who will get it done when she's ready. And do I really want the dueling sisters competing to talk with me from the backseat?
When Havana was a puppy, I'd already been a professional dog trainer for about 4 years. I was doing everything "right" - puppy classes, careful socialization, relationship building, etc. We were enrolled in puppy class where I work and it was a lot of fun, although humbling that I was a student in a class I've been teaching for so long. Even more humbling - my puppy Would. Not. Down. I could usually lure her down with a food treat, but as the weeks progressed and the other puppies were downing on a hand signal and then verbal cue, Havana and I were still using a lure or it wouldn't happen.
We had some progress when I started pretending I had a food lure in my hand and then immediately treating her for the right response or if I kept the food lure in my hand and gave her a different treat. But I was still attaching the darn treat to her nose and bringing it down to the floor two months after we'd started class!
Suddenly one day the light bulb went on. Not for me - I still don't quite know what happened. Havana must have just put two and two together and got four and then couldn't figure out why I hadn't simply told her that earlier. She became a downing fool. We had lots of baby gates up and I'd often ask her to down before opening one (work the weakest behavior for frequent reward). Pretty soon she had a decent remote down going.
This remote down has now translated into amazing things. When Havana comes to puppy class with me to help with puppies who need tutoring in Canine Body Language, I can down her in a room of loose puppies from a few feet away. When we work sheep I can down her 50 ft away with 4 or 5 sheep between us. If she's in the yard and barking madly at rogue squirrels or leaves that dare to fall before autumn, I can down her from a distance to hush her for a bit. She's got down figured out and then some! I just needed patience for her to understand what I wanted in her own time, rather than on the time line I'd set up in my class.
Now I have my darling Sprout. Smart, beautiful, funny, goofy - everything a mother could want for her child. (Not that I'm biased.) Now most kids I know, including big sister Bug, my husband and I way back when, all took first steps before the first birthday. Not my Sprout. She wasn't really interested even in cruising around furniture at that point. Why bother? Crawling got her whatever she wanted. Developmentally she was fine - she just didn't feel like walking.
I could have spent a lot of time freaking out, and I did to a point, but I didn't want to make this a big deal to her. I knew she'd do it eventually and all the freaking, cajoling, and begging on my part wouldn't make it happen before she was ready. I built a safe framework for her - offering her toys from a distance that would encourage a first step, praising her for the little bit of cruising she bothered to do, walking with her while holding her hands, etc. But still nothing.
Finally on February 27, just before she turned 15 months old she took 3 steps to my dad. (He's currently deciding on which font for the bronze plaque he'll be placing in the house.) Hallelujah she's walking! We bought baby walking shoes and waited for the chaos to begin. And waited. And waited. And waited...
While she now knew she could take steps and would take one or two from time to time, she would still rather crawl. Since she's officially "walked" before 15 months we'd made the cut off the pediatrician had set so I didn't worry about that any more. But it took two more months for Sprout to decide walking was worth the effort and to do it regularly. And now at 19 months she's running just like the kids who'd been walking since 10 months.
The point of all this? Milestones and guidelines are simply suggestions, not ironclad rules for how puppies or babies are supposed to develop. As long as there are no additional signs indicating that there may be a problem, all of the worrying and fussing in the world will not cause a puppy or child to move along at the pace we think they should. And when they figure it out on their own, they'll progress as fast as they need to in order to do what they want to get done.
Now if people would just stop trying to freak me out that Sprout isn't talking yet. Really, I think she's proven that she's an independent spirit who will get it done when she's ready. And do I really want the dueling sisters competing to talk with me from the backseat?
Friday, August 6, 2010
Being Prepared
In all of my research on helping kids and dogs get along, one of the most important things is to get dogs used to the physical changes around the house as soon as possible. I always recommend:
So we've got a new baby coming to our family. Our "Wiggle," for lack of an actual name. The dogs have been through this already and while we'll be reviewing basic obedience and playing the baby sounds CD, nothing too terribly much will change for them. Well, Havana may decide she doesn't want to sleep next to my side of the bed as I have to get up more and more, but that's up to her.
What will be changing, though, is life for my girls. Bug is already pretty used to things being set up for a toddler, but she doesn't remember much of what it's like to be at a newborn's beck and call. Or screech and cry. And this will be totally foreign to Sprout all together.
One of the first things we had to do was change how we talk about dolls to Sprout. We discovered this when we introduced her to a newborn baby and she tried to pick up the baby and rock it like she does her dolls. Well, of course she would! How is Baby Carrie Fisher-Price (the doll) different from Baby L? There is no difference to a toddler. So now we call the dolls "little" and babies "baby". I don't know if it's working or not, but Sprout did not try to strangle Baby A like she does Little Carrie, so hopefully it is.
We're also going to have to move furniture around. The girls will be sharing a bedroom, which will be an adventure for all of us. Bug already knows that this will happen and we've been talking about it when the opportunity arises. It's a little hard to prepare Sprout for this since it's so abstract. And unfortunately she won't be ready for a big girl bed until after Wiggle is here, so I can't have her all set up and ready before he's here. But if one girl isn't freaking out too much that's half the battle.
And because Sprout is a little stinker, we're going to make sure that there is a safe place for Bug and her things, just as we have for the dogs and cats. The plan is to build a loft above Bug's bed, sort of like an unused upper bunk bed, with a railing around it and a little door. With any luck, Bug will be able to climb up there to escape the wrath of Sprout and maybe, just maybe reduce some chaos. Let me have my delusions, ok?
- Figure out where baby furniture will live and put it there ASAP. If you can't do that just yet, at least move any dog beds or other furniture that will need to be moved.
- If the dog will no longer be allowed on the bed or furniture when baby is here, put that rule into effect today.
- Ban access to rooms that will be off limits when baby appears.
So we've got a new baby coming to our family. Our "Wiggle," for lack of an actual name. The dogs have been through this already and while we'll be reviewing basic obedience and playing the baby sounds CD, nothing too terribly much will change for them. Well, Havana may decide she doesn't want to sleep next to my side of the bed as I have to get up more and more, but that's up to her.
What will be changing, though, is life for my girls. Bug is already pretty used to things being set up for a toddler, but she doesn't remember much of what it's like to be at a newborn's beck and call. Or screech and cry. And this will be totally foreign to Sprout all together.
One of the first things we had to do was change how we talk about dolls to Sprout. We discovered this when we introduced her to a newborn baby and she tried to pick up the baby and rock it like she does her dolls. Well, of course she would! How is Baby Carrie Fisher-Price (the doll) different from Baby L? There is no difference to a toddler. So now we call the dolls "little" and babies "baby". I don't know if it's working or not, but Sprout did not try to strangle Baby A like she does Little Carrie, so hopefully it is.
We're also going to have to move furniture around. The girls will be sharing a bedroom, which will be an adventure for all of us. Bug already knows that this will happen and we've been talking about it when the opportunity arises. It's a little hard to prepare Sprout for this since it's so abstract. And unfortunately she won't be ready for a big girl bed until after Wiggle is here, so I can't have her all set up and ready before he's here. But if one girl isn't freaking out too much that's half the battle.
And because Sprout is a little stinker, we're going to make sure that there is a safe place for Bug and her things, just as we have for the dogs and cats. The plan is to build a loft above Bug's bed, sort of like an unused upper bunk bed, with a railing around it and a little door. With any luck, Bug will be able to climb up there to escape the wrath of Sprout and maybe, just maybe reduce some chaos. Let me have my delusions, ok?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Sometimes it does directly relate...
I always tell my puppy class students that the first time I was taught "look" (the dog looks up at my face on my command), I seriously thought my teacher ran out of things to show us that night. Now it is one of the commands I use the most, especially when we're out in public. Having your dog look at you on cue is just so darned handy, even if it takes a little effort to teach. When your dog looks at you, your dog is probably not:
So imagine my delight when I realized it has another application - making sure a 5 year old is paying attention to me. Now instead of repeating myself twelve times (bad, bad Momma, say it the first time and mean it!), I can say "Bug. Stop. Look at me. Do not put stickers on the dog." Just like the dogs, once I can drag her attention to me I can cue her next behavior or redirect the current behavior.
Am I proud that I can get the exact same results for child and canine with the same cue? Well...not really. But it sure is handy. There's been a lot less yelling since I discovered this, though, and that's a good thing. Not that that neighbors have noticed it being any quieter around here. I blame hormones. Don't know what I'll do next spring when the windows are open again and I'm not pregnant.
- Scarfing food off the table/counter/hands of young children
- Barking and posturing at another dog
- Pulling on a leash
- Breaking a stay
- Sniffing/eating nasty trash off the ground (can you tell I have a Labrador?)
- Greeting people or dogs who would rather not be greeted
- Missing the next cue I give
- Getting into or causing any number of miscellaneous problems
So imagine my delight when I realized it has another application - making sure a 5 year old is paying attention to me. Now instead of repeating myself twelve times (bad, bad Momma, say it the first time and mean it!), I can say "Bug. Stop. Look at me. Do not put stickers on the dog." Just like the dogs, once I can drag her attention to me I can cue her next behavior or redirect the current behavior.
Am I proud that I can get the exact same results for child and canine with the same cue? Well...not really. But it sure is handy. There's been a lot less yelling since I discovered this, though, and that's a good thing. Not that that neighbors have noticed it being any quieter around here. I blame hormones. Don't know what I'll do next spring when the windows are open again and I'm not pregnant.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Who did that?!
Today in my scatterbrained way, I forgot to close the gate to the girls' bedrooms. When I went to put Sprout down for her nap, I was greeted with an upended diaper bin and pieces of dirty diaper all over the floor. (Thankfully we do cloth diapers so the worst of the nastiness has been flushed and dirty diapers are largely inaccessible to the dogs.) Even though I knew it was my fault, I called out "Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! Which one of you bad dogs did this?!?!?" Strangely, no one answered.
I put Sprout down, cleaned up the mess, and went about my afternoon. I realized that both dogs were in "their" room, all on their own, as flat as possible on their respective dog beds, pretending to be invisible. Neither one made eye contact with me, although they both followed me with their invisible eyes in their invisible heads. (Because I am a mom to both canines and humans I can see invisible things like lost shoes, vegetables, empty toilet paper rolls, and misbehaving creatures that no one else in the house can see.)
Now some may say "Oh the dogs knew they did something wrong" or "those dogs are acting guilty." I beg to differ. Once the "goodies" were out of the diapers, the dog pretty much put it all out of his (maybe her) mind. However, the dogs have learned from past experience that if I let out an exasperated growl, chances are they are going to get closed off in their room. And in the past when the dogs have ignored the direction to go to their room, it usually involves a scold and a persistent body block which they would rather avoid. (Body block = me getting big and tall and moving into their space. I never touch them, I just invade wherever they are trying to be and dogs, being dogs, will give way to whoever is in charge. Since I control food and access to outside and all fun activities, I'm in charge without every laying a finger on them.) So to appease Crazy Lady who Controls All Good Things, the dogs just did what had been expected of them in the past. Who knows, maybe the appeasement would work and I'd act like it never happened.
This is quite a bit like when Bug is warned that a certain behavior will earn her a certain consequence. Right now we're dealing with some lying issues and I consider lying a pretty big rule infraction. Bug hates going potty for whatever reason and twice I've caught her telling me she went and then I find out she didn't. Bug knows that if she lies about potty before bed, she will not get a story. Both times, even though I said "You'd better go potty because if I find out you are lying to me, you will not get a story", she took the risk. Then when she got caught, she instantly went into appeasement mode. Suddenly she couldn't go potty, brush her teeth, put on her jammies, and get into bed fast enough - things that are usually a struggle. And she mentioned her story several times during all of this. She hadn't forgotten - she knows full well that there is a consequence for lying - but she's hoping by doing everything else right, things she's been resistant to doing in the past, I'll forget and/or be appeased. Instead, I gently reminded her that she was not getting a story because she lied, tucked her in with the usual love and kisses, and left.
Bug's grasp of the consequence happened after only one incident while it took the dogs quite a bit longer to read my voice and body language, but the end result is still the same - the sudden urge to do exactly what is expected. It's not really guilt acting as much as it is appeasement behavior so things can go back to being the regular pleasant routine it usually is. Dogs don't have morals so they can't feel guilt. Humans do have morals and can feel guilt, but it takes some time to develop and Bug is still developing the finer points. And appeasement and guilt can go hand in hand for humans, but a dog is a dog is a dog. They do what works and we love them for it. Usually.
(And before anyone criticizes me for locking up my dogs or however that may appear, let me just say that the dogs' room is actually my husband's rec room with my husband's office on one side and a half open Dutch door to the kitchen on the other. It has windows, climate control, water, comfy beds and is where we usually do our socializing. The dogs aren't outcasts, they are just put in a room near family traffic without being in the way so I can better manage the insanity in my home. They choose to go there on their own and generally spend their days and nights with the family.)
I put Sprout down, cleaned up the mess, and went about my afternoon. I realized that both dogs were in "their" room, all on their own, as flat as possible on their respective dog beds, pretending to be invisible. Neither one made eye contact with me, although they both followed me with their invisible eyes in their invisible heads. (Because I am a mom to both canines and humans I can see invisible things like lost shoes, vegetables, empty toilet paper rolls, and misbehaving creatures that no one else in the house can see.)
Now some may say "Oh the dogs knew they did something wrong" or "those dogs are acting guilty." I beg to differ. Once the "goodies" were out of the diapers, the dog pretty much put it all out of his (maybe her) mind. However, the dogs have learned from past experience that if I let out an exasperated growl, chances are they are going to get closed off in their room. And in the past when the dogs have ignored the direction to go to their room, it usually involves a scold and a persistent body block which they would rather avoid. (Body block = me getting big and tall and moving into their space. I never touch them, I just invade wherever they are trying to be and dogs, being dogs, will give way to whoever is in charge. Since I control food and access to outside and all fun activities, I'm in charge without every laying a finger on them.) So to appease Crazy Lady who Controls All Good Things, the dogs just did what had been expected of them in the past. Who knows, maybe the appeasement would work and I'd act like it never happened.
This is quite a bit like when Bug is warned that a certain behavior will earn her a certain consequence. Right now we're dealing with some lying issues and I consider lying a pretty big rule infraction. Bug hates going potty for whatever reason and twice I've caught her telling me she went and then I find out she didn't. Bug knows that if she lies about potty before bed, she will not get a story. Both times, even though I said "You'd better go potty because if I find out you are lying to me, you will not get a story", she took the risk. Then when she got caught, she instantly went into appeasement mode. Suddenly she couldn't go potty, brush her teeth, put on her jammies, and get into bed fast enough - things that are usually a struggle. And she mentioned her story several times during all of this. She hadn't forgotten - she knows full well that there is a consequence for lying - but she's hoping by doing everything else right, things she's been resistant to doing in the past, I'll forget and/or be appeased. Instead, I gently reminded her that she was not getting a story because she lied, tucked her in with the usual love and kisses, and left.
Bug's grasp of the consequence happened after only one incident while it took the dogs quite a bit longer to read my voice and body language, but the end result is still the same - the sudden urge to do exactly what is expected. It's not really guilt acting as much as it is appeasement behavior so things can go back to being the regular pleasant routine it usually is. Dogs don't have morals so they can't feel guilt. Humans do have morals and can feel guilt, but it takes some time to develop and Bug is still developing the finer points. And appeasement and guilt can go hand in hand for humans, but a dog is a dog is a dog. They do what works and we love them for it. Usually.
(And before anyone criticizes me for locking up my dogs or however that may appear, let me just say that the dogs' room is actually my husband's rec room with my husband's office on one side and a half open Dutch door to the kitchen on the other. It has windows, climate control, water, comfy beds and is where we usually do our socializing. The dogs aren't outcasts, they are just put in a room near family traffic without being in the way so I can better manage the insanity in my home. They choose to go there on their own and generally spend their days and nights with the family.)
Friday, June 25, 2010
Word Associations
My little Sprout said her first sentence last night. It was only two words, but it was still a sentence. She said "BE QUIET!!!" when the dogs were barking. Or it might have been "PUPPY QUIET!" Either way it had a subject and a verb and according to 4th grade grammar, that's a complete sentence. Maybe a better question is why on Earth did she choose to scold the dogs as her first sentence instead of something like "Hi Mama" or "More milk"?
I don't know what's going on in that curly little head of hers, but I have a couple of theories. One is consistency. If I am outside and I hear Havana gear up for a barkfest, I will call out "hush" or something like that. Thankfully I'm very careful not to tell the dogs to shut up or else we could have had a bit of a Meet the Fockers moment. But because it drives me nuts when Havana has a barkfest you can pretty much guarantee I'll say something every time she does it. Since Sprout is usually outside with me she hears "breath in, barkbarkbar, 'Havana! Hush!"
There is probably also a fun factor going on. Our yard is big and Havana is loud. As a result I use a loud voice - some might say a yell - to tell her to hush. Yelling is pretty darn fun for a toddler and if Mama does it consistently in a certain situation then it's monkey see, monkey do. Add in that bossy big sister usually follows up Mama's scold with a "Havana! Quiet!" and you've got an awesome behavior chain that Sprout just needs to be a part of.
As I rather sheepishly reflected on my baby's choice of sentence, I started to think about other cases of associative learning that I've experienced. Dogs and kids both use cause and effect to their greatest advantage. Just this week we started the foundation work for "stay" in puppy class. I told my students NOT to say "stay" at this point because the chances that their puppies wouldn't stay was great. And believe me, I have seen many dogs - usually with owners who say "she knows stay" - come on cue, sit on cue, and stay...until she hears "stay" in which case she jumps up and runs to the owner. Or runs away.
The dog does indeed know "stay". She hears it every time she's about to get up, or is already up. So she knows that when she hears "stay" she has changed position into a stand so whenever she hears "stay" she should get up and move. What the owner has trained is actually a really reliable release word and not a command to hold position, but the dog, not knowing English any better than we speak Canine, has connected a specific action to a specific sound. It just so happens to be the opposite of what the human wanted, but was exactly what the human taught.
The saddest of what I call "anti commands" involves botched recalls. I work hard so my dogs not only come when called, they are happy about it. My heart, once it started beating again, just about broke when my foster dog Maya opened the slider and escaped one day. She didn't go far, just in the yard, but it terrified me. I ran over to her and in my happiest voice called "Maya!!! Come!!!" The first time she ran in the other direction, so I grabbed Cousteau to entice her and again called "Maya!!! Come!!!" This time she looked at me with such a sad look and dropped to the ground in an 80 pound puddle of immovable dog. Someone had taught her that if she heard "come", something less than pleasant was going to happen. I'd like to think it just meant she was going to get stuck in her kennel or closed into a room so her previous owners could leave. And maybe it was just that. But still, instead of approaching me when she heard "come", she learned it was better for her if she avoided the human.
Sadder still was a few years after that when I was walking a client dog. This dog, while a great pup, is not known to be Miss Congeniality and she alerted me to the presence of a dog on her street. I looked and saw a golden dancing around the backyards. She was skittish and wouldn't approach me, no matter what irresistible tricks I tried. I put my client dog safely into her house and tried again. Now the golden would come closer to me and I saw she had a remote shock collar on. Once again I called in my happiest voice "Hey! Come!!!" As soon as she heard a loud, firm "come" she tucked tail and ran in the opposite direction. Nothing I did could get her to come near me again. I strongly suspect the electrodes on her neck had something to do with it. She got used to "come"-ZAP and possibly further punishment once she got to her human that she didn't have any reason to approach a human who said such a thing. (I'm not getting into a debate over shock collars. Obviously I don't like them. I know there are arguments for sometimes using them in extreme situations. I'm not prepared to use them for my training so I don't advocate them. End of story.)
So now that my youngest chatterbox is starting to use understandable words I have to think more about the word associations she gets from me on a daily basis. And I need to continue to think about the impact my words and actions have not only on my children, but on my dogs who don't have the luxury of fluently sharing a language with me. And here I thought I could just open my mouth and let the words spew forth.
I don't know what's going on in that curly little head of hers, but I have a couple of theories. One is consistency. If I am outside and I hear Havana gear up for a barkfest, I will call out "hush" or something like that. Thankfully I'm very careful not to tell the dogs to shut up or else we could have had a bit of a Meet the Fockers moment. But because it drives me nuts when Havana has a barkfest you can pretty much guarantee I'll say something every time she does it. Since Sprout is usually outside with me she hears "breath in, barkbarkbar, 'Havana! Hush!"
There is probably also a fun factor going on. Our yard is big and Havana is loud. As a result I use a loud voice - some might say a yell - to tell her to hush. Yelling is pretty darn fun for a toddler and if Mama does it consistently in a certain situation then it's monkey see, monkey do. Add in that bossy big sister usually follows up Mama's scold with a "Havana! Quiet!" and you've got an awesome behavior chain that Sprout just needs to be a part of.
As I rather sheepishly reflected on my baby's choice of sentence, I started to think about other cases of associative learning that I've experienced. Dogs and kids both use cause and effect to their greatest advantage. Just this week we started the foundation work for "stay" in puppy class. I told my students NOT to say "stay" at this point because the chances that their puppies wouldn't stay was great. And believe me, I have seen many dogs - usually with owners who say "she knows stay" - come on cue, sit on cue, and stay...until she hears "stay" in which case she jumps up and runs to the owner. Or runs away.
The dog does indeed know "stay". She hears it every time she's about to get up, or is already up. So she knows that when she hears "stay" she has changed position into a stand so whenever she hears "stay" she should get up and move. What the owner has trained is actually a really reliable release word and not a command to hold position, but the dog, not knowing English any better than we speak Canine, has connected a specific action to a specific sound. It just so happens to be the opposite of what the human wanted, but was exactly what the human taught.
The saddest of what I call "anti commands" involves botched recalls. I work hard so my dogs not only come when called, they are happy about it. My heart, once it started beating again, just about broke when my foster dog Maya opened the slider and escaped one day. She didn't go far, just in the yard, but it terrified me. I ran over to her and in my happiest voice called "Maya!!! Come!!!" The first time she ran in the other direction, so I grabbed Cousteau to entice her and again called "Maya!!! Come!!!" This time she looked at me with such a sad look and dropped to the ground in an 80 pound puddle of immovable dog. Someone had taught her that if she heard "come", something less than pleasant was going to happen. I'd like to think it just meant she was going to get stuck in her kennel or closed into a room so her previous owners could leave. And maybe it was just that. But still, instead of approaching me when she heard "come", she learned it was better for her if she avoided the human.
Sadder still was a few years after that when I was walking a client dog. This dog, while a great pup, is not known to be Miss Congeniality and she alerted me to the presence of a dog on her street. I looked and saw a golden dancing around the backyards. She was skittish and wouldn't approach me, no matter what irresistible tricks I tried. I put my client dog safely into her house and tried again. Now the golden would come closer to me and I saw she had a remote shock collar on. Once again I called in my happiest voice "Hey! Come!!!" As soon as she heard a loud, firm "come" she tucked tail and ran in the opposite direction. Nothing I did could get her to come near me again. I strongly suspect the electrodes on her neck had something to do with it. She got used to "come"-ZAP and possibly further punishment once she got to her human that she didn't have any reason to approach a human who said such a thing. (I'm not getting into a debate over shock collars. Obviously I don't like them. I know there are arguments for sometimes using them in extreme situations. I'm not prepared to use them for my training so I don't advocate them. End of story.)
So now that my youngest chatterbox is starting to use understandable words I have to think more about the word associations she gets from me on a daily basis. And I need to continue to think about the impact my words and actions have not only on my children, but on my dogs who don't have the luxury of fluently sharing a language with me. And here I thought I could just open my mouth and let the words spew forth.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Why so quiet?
I don't really want to think about how long it's been since my last post. Sprout is now almost 18 months old. Bug will be starting Kindergarten in a few short months. And oh yeah, I'm 19 weeks pregnant with a baby Bug has named "Wiggle". And wiggle s/he does! So humans and canines alike have been neglected while I struggle with nausea and exhaustion. Agility with Havana was not particularly successful as I looked like I was going to vomit and then pass out after a run. Swim lessons with Sprout are going slightly better. I don't feel like passing out or vomiting, so I've got that going for me. Cousteau appreciates slower walks, when I can manage them, but Havana would like to know when we're running our next 5K.
Ironically as a tiny Wiggle was growing and getting ready to make his/her presence known, I was searching Petfinder.com for another dog. I wasn't sure if I was ready for another dog, if I wanted three dogs, if I could give 3 dogs and 2 kids all the attention they needed. Then there was the whole convincing the husband that we needed a third dog. I'd floated that balloon a few times only to get it quickly shot down.
Then I discovered I was pregnant. It wasn't expected, but certainly it's a pleasant surprise. I realized that this would not be a good time to add another dog to our family, but my thoughts about the baby were amazingly familiar. Was I ready for another baby? Could I really give 3 kids and 2 dogs the attention they need? How can I get DH on board with this? In this case the decision was taken out of our hands and we just need to accept, adjust, and anticipate.
But in a couple of years if we have a dog just fall in our lap, I'm not going to complain...
Ironically as a tiny Wiggle was growing and getting ready to make his/her presence known, I was searching Petfinder.com for another dog. I wasn't sure if I was ready for another dog, if I wanted three dogs, if I could give 3 dogs and 2 kids all the attention they needed. Then there was the whole convincing the husband that we needed a third dog. I'd floated that balloon a few times only to get it quickly shot down.
Then I discovered I was pregnant. It wasn't expected, but certainly it's a pleasant surprise. I realized that this would not be a good time to add another dog to our family, but my thoughts about the baby were amazingly familiar. Was I ready for another baby? Could I really give 3 kids and 2 dogs the attention they need? How can I get DH on board with this? In this case the decision was taken out of our hands and we just need to accept, adjust, and anticipate.
But in a couple of years if we have a dog just fall in our lap, I'm not going to complain...
My Collie, My Kid
This was originally posted at www.ourdogsonline.com - a wonderful online resource that I encourage everyone to check out.
...I think Bug and Havana are psychically linked. And not in a good "Go save Timmy, Lassie!" way.
I sat through a painful ballet class with Bug. Her inner collie was hanging out for all the world to see.
-Initially so excited she couldn't shut up. (Bark much?)
-Had to tell everyone, including the instructors, what to do. (Round 'em up and herd 'em.)
-Did all the exercises her way.
-Was so busy being nosy that she missed instructions.
-Instinctively tried to comfort a frustrated little girl. (Collie empathy)
-Became bored with repetition for exercises she found useless and shut down.
Bug and Havana also:
-play beautifully with pretty much all other playmates, but will stand up for themselves
-need a good amount of physical and mental activity
-can be good at entertaining themselves
-talk. Constantly.
-are scary smart sometimes, but only show it when they feel like it.
-can do just about anything if shown the right way to do it in the right way.
-are very social.
I found myself treating Bug like Havana during class. I started with giving subtle signs, then I gave her a good scolding followed by explaining how to behave and marking good behavior. (Yes, I'm the dorky mom giving her kid thumbs up throughout class!) I even turned my head away from her when she was paying attention to me instead of her "handler". I found this really funny...when I didn't want to throttle my kid!
Trying to decide what dog to get for Sprout and then Wiggle to connect to. Something smart, obedient, but quiet...
...I think Bug and Havana are psychically linked. And not in a good "Go save Timmy, Lassie!" way.
I sat through a painful ballet class with Bug. Her inner collie was hanging out for all the world to see.
-Initially so excited she couldn't shut up. (Bark much?)
-Had to tell everyone, including the instructors, what to do. (Round 'em up and herd 'em.)
-Did all the exercises her way.
-Was so busy being nosy that she missed instructions.
-Instinctively tried to comfort a frustrated little girl. (Collie empathy)
-Became bored with repetition for exercises she found useless and shut down.
Bug and Havana also:
-play beautifully with pretty much all other playmates, but will stand up for themselves
-need a good amount of physical and mental activity
-can be good at entertaining themselves
-talk. Constantly.
-are scary smart sometimes, but only show it when they feel like it.
-can do just about anything if shown the right way to do it in the right way.
-are very social.
I found myself treating Bug like Havana during class. I started with giving subtle signs, then I gave her a good scolding followed by explaining how to behave and marking good behavior. (Yes, I'm the dorky mom giving her kid thumbs up throughout class!) I even turned my head away from her when she was paying attention to me instead of her "handler". I found this really funny...when I didn't want to throttle my kid!
Trying to decide what dog to get for Sprout and then Wiggle to connect to. Something smart, obedient, but quiet...
New Policy on Comments
I am pretty new to the whole blogging thing, so I'm not entirely sure how to handle comments. I love that people are reading my blog (and maybe I'll make that effort to keep up with it better!). On the other hand, I'm embarrassingly American - I am only fluent in reading and writing English. Some days even that's questionable. So I have decided that I will only consider approving comments that are written in English, since that is the language of this blog. I am thrilled that people in other countries are reading what I have to say and commenting, but I'd love to be able to understand you, so please since you are reading this in English, respond in kind.
Thanks!
Thanks!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Accepting What Is
I greatly dislike puppies. Don't get me wrong, they are adorable and fun...when they belong to someone else. I love teaching puppy class because for one hour a week I can be surrounded by puppies and then they all go home to poop on someone else's floor and chew on someone else's stuff. I think I've mentioned before that I really like adolescent dogs because they're learning sponges with bladders that are good for at least a couple of hours and they can sleep through the night.
Part of my feeling comes from the fact Cousteau was such an awful puppy. Peeing, pooping, biting, chewing, barking, exploring all the wrong things, etc. But the light at the end of my dark, dark puppy tunnel was that every 4 weeks or so he would magically stop a bad habit. I came to revel in these milestones and looked forward to him getting older. Havana was a much better puppy, but I still enjoyed watching her get older and older, approaching the 12 month mark where she'd finally be "fun". (i.e. able to compete in flyball, do more in agility, go running, be old enough to be spayed, etc.) I had occasional pangs of the lost puppy, but otherwise I pretty much celebrated.
My feelings about human babies are completely the opposite. I would keep having human babies from now until I was no longer able to, if only my pregnancies were easier and my husband would agree. I rejoice in every new trick and milestone, but at the same time my heart tears a little because that means my baby is getting older and farther away from being my baby.
When Cousteau lost his first baby tooth, I partied like it was 1999. (Oh wait, it was...) He'd still probably mouth me too hard, but at least his new teeth wouldn't have that sharp point anymore. Sprout popped her first tooth and I mourned the loss her perfect, pink shiny gums. Yes, it means that she's ready for a wider variety of solid food, which means that she's no longer as dependent on me, but she's no longer so dependent on me. (Ambivalent much?)
In my quest to hold on to every little baby moment first Bug and now Sprout have had, I realize that I'm missing out on some of the joys of parenting. That's when I started to see the huge contrast between my feelings on puppies and on infants. And then it hit me - I need to see these changes (and we know I don't like change) in the same light for both puppies and babies. It is important for me to have big 1999-like celebrations for the every day little things my daughters grow up to do. Mourning yesterday isn't going to bring it back, but it will stop me from fully enjoying today.
Bring on those new sizes of clothing! On with the progression of vegetables and fruits! Let's hear it for sitting up and scooting! Ok, it's going to take some work, but at least now I have a model to follow.
And while I work on appreciating my babies' race through childhood, I find myself remembering the good things about Cousteau and Havana's puppyhoods like never before. I'll never love the fact that babies don't stay babies nearly long enough or that puppies are pooping, biting, chewing machines, but I have more balance now. And balance is good.
Part of my feeling comes from the fact Cousteau was such an awful puppy. Peeing, pooping, biting, chewing, barking, exploring all the wrong things, etc. But the light at the end of my dark, dark puppy tunnel was that every 4 weeks or so he would magically stop a bad habit. I came to revel in these milestones and looked forward to him getting older. Havana was a much better puppy, but I still enjoyed watching her get older and older, approaching the 12 month mark where she'd finally be "fun". (i.e. able to compete in flyball, do more in agility, go running, be old enough to be spayed, etc.) I had occasional pangs of the lost puppy, but otherwise I pretty much celebrated.
My feelings about human babies are completely the opposite. I would keep having human babies from now until I was no longer able to, if only my pregnancies were easier and my husband would agree. I rejoice in every new trick and milestone, but at the same time my heart tears a little because that means my baby is getting older and farther away from being my baby.
When Cousteau lost his first baby tooth, I partied like it was 1999. (Oh wait, it was...) He'd still probably mouth me too hard, but at least his new teeth wouldn't have that sharp point anymore. Sprout popped her first tooth and I mourned the loss her perfect, pink shiny gums. Yes, it means that she's ready for a wider variety of solid food, which means that she's no longer as dependent on me, but she's no longer so dependent on me. (Ambivalent much?)
In my quest to hold on to every little baby moment first Bug and now Sprout have had, I realize that I'm missing out on some of the joys of parenting. That's when I started to see the huge contrast between my feelings on puppies and on infants. And then it hit me - I need to see these changes (and we know I don't like change) in the same light for both puppies and babies. It is important for me to have big 1999-like celebrations for the every day little things my daughters grow up to do. Mourning yesterday isn't going to bring it back, but it will stop me from fully enjoying today.
Bring on those new sizes of clothing! On with the progression of vegetables and fruits! Let's hear it for sitting up and scooting! Ok, it's going to take some work, but at least now I have a model to follow.
And while I work on appreciating my babies' race through childhood, I find myself remembering the good things about Cousteau and Havana's puppyhoods like never before. I'll never love the fact that babies don't stay babies nearly long enough or that puppies are pooping, biting, chewing machines, but I have more balance now. And balance is good.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Busy Little Bees
It's been a good 9 months since my last post. Pregnancy, childbirth, and newborn/pre-schooler rearing will do that to a gal. Now that life has returned to it's new normal, at least for a little bit, I hope to be better about posting.
I added Havana, my now 3 year old smooth collie, to my life knowing that she was a working dog who needed a job. I figured that wouldn't be a problem. (Oh how very, very naive we can be!) I fully planned on working her a lot on sheep these past few months, but, well, I haven't.
Last Wednesday the stars finally aligned and I was able to get to Portage to work sheep. Havana was understandably excited. A car ride, time alone with me, and SHEEP! What more could she ask for?
She worked amazingly well - I was so proud of her. Since she's shamefully out of shape (not unlike her owner), she needed frequent rests. The first two times she did a beautiful job getting the sheep out of the corner and bringing them to me. The last time she was all geared up and didn't want to stop when I made her take a break. I debated ending the lesson there, but she was whining and begging to go to the sheep, so John and I decided she would be fine.
She would have been fine had I used an ounce of brain power. Just because she'd calmly worked the sheep before didn't mean she'd do it again. I let her take off all the way across the field and by the time she got to the sheep she wasn't thinking about herding, she was just plain bowling. After I got her downed, freed a sheep's head from the fence (Havana didn't cause her to run into it, she was eating through the fence and couldn't get out), and the sheep grouped up again I thought about what I could have done differently. I called out to John "I guess I should have been between her and the sheep, huh?" He stopped laughing long enough to agree with me. Since Havana was so amped up I made sure to down her frequently both to keep her under control and to give her and I a chance to plan our next move. The lesson didn't end quite as well as it began, but it was better than that little part in the middle.
While DH and I joke that dealing with our kids is like herding cats, maintaining a calm Bug and keeping Havana from bowling sheep isn't so different. I need to have a thought out plan and know what I'm doing before I get there. This could explain why I often have scattered sheep and a wild child.
For example, I recently co-hosted a wedding shower at my house. I knew Bug would be excited - the guests were pretty much all her favorite people. My only thought was that she not steal the spotlight from the bride and drive everyone nuts. I didn't actually think about *how* that was going to be accomplished. The more excited and worked up she got, the more tense and stressed I got.
After growling several warnings in Bug's direction, I finally remembered what I've slowly been learning in the pasture. Yelling and threats don't work - they pretty much only show that I've already lost control. So I did what I do after I've lost control in the pasture. I took a deep breath, assessed the situation, removed the subject (i.e. Bug) from the situation, then redirected her.
I picked Bug up off the gift table where she was trying to rip open the bride's gifts for her. In another room I quietly told her that she was having a hard time letting this be the bride's day (we spent a lot of time talking about that beforehand) and what would she like to do instead of watching the gift opening, since that wasn't very interesting for her. She gave it some careful and deliberate thought and decided that she would like to play a computer game. My computer is set up so she could still see the guests and sort of be a part of things, but be focused on something more appropriate to her level. The rest of the shower was wonderfully relaxing for me.
With that event in mind I carefully packed a bag for the wedding. In addition to a change of underwear, extra tights, a sweater, and pajamas, I also packed some of Bug's favorite books, a Magnadoodle, a coloring book, and a card game. I let her know that we had these special things and if she needed a break or some special attention from someone to let me know and we could help her out. It worked amazingly well. (Well, that and having my family around to dote on her during the reception.)
Taking the time to carefully plan activities and alternatives is time consuming and tiring, but so is having an out of control child or dog. And I figure in time it will get easier to be one step ahead of both the dog and the child. At least until the next bend in the road...
I added Havana, my now 3 year old smooth collie, to my life knowing that she was a working dog who needed a job. I figured that wouldn't be a problem. (Oh how very, very naive we can be!) I fully planned on working her a lot on sheep these past few months, but, well, I haven't.
Last Wednesday the stars finally aligned and I was able to get to Portage to work sheep. Havana was understandably excited. A car ride, time alone with me, and SHEEP! What more could she ask for?
She worked amazingly well - I was so proud of her. Since she's shamefully out of shape (not unlike her owner), she needed frequent rests. The first two times she did a beautiful job getting the sheep out of the corner and bringing them to me. The last time she was all geared up and didn't want to stop when I made her take a break. I debated ending the lesson there, but she was whining and begging to go to the sheep, so John and I decided she would be fine.
She would have been fine had I used an ounce of brain power. Just because she'd calmly worked the sheep before didn't mean she'd do it again. I let her take off all the way across the field and by the time she got to the sheep she wasn't thinking about herding, she was just plain bowling. After I got her downed, freed a sheep's head from the fence (Havana didn't cause her to run into it, she was eating through the fence and couldn't get out), and the sheep grouped up again I thought about what I could have done differently. I called out to John "I guess I should have been between her and the sheep, huh?" He stopped laughing long enough to agree with me. Since Havana was so amped up I made sure to down her frequently both to keep her under control and to give her and I a chance to plan our next move. The lesson didn't end quite as well as it began, but it was better than that little part in the middle.
While DH and I joke that dealing with our kids is like herding cats, maintaining a calm Bug and keeping Havana from bowling sheep isn't so different. I need to have a thought out plan and know what I'm doing before I get there. This could explain why I often have scattered sheep and a wild child.
For example, I recently co-hosted a wedding shower at my house. I knew Bug would be excited - the guests were pretty much all her favorite people. My only thought was that she not steal the spotlight from the bride and drive everyone nuts. I didn't actually think about *how* that was going to be accomplished. The more excited and worked up she got, the more tense and stressed I got.
After growling several warnings in Bug's direction, I finally remembered what I've slowly been learning in the pasture. Yelling and threats don't work - they pretty much only show that I've already lost control. So I did what I do after I've lost control in the pasture. I took a deep breath, assessed the situation, removed the subject (i.e. Bug) from the situation, then redirected her.
I picked Bug up off the gift table where she was trying to rip open the bride's gifts for her. In another room I quietly told her that she was having a hard time letting this be the bride's day (we spent a lot of time talking about that beforehand) and what would she like to do instead of watching the gift opening, since that wasn't very interesting for her. She gave it some careful and deliberate thought and decided that she would like to play a computer game. My computer is set up so she could still see the guests and sort of be a part of things, but be focused on something more appropriate to her level. The rest of the shower was wonderfully relaxing for me.
With that event in mind I carefully packed a bag for the wedding. In addition to a change of underwear, extra tights, a sweater, and pajamas, I also packed some of Bug's favorite books, a Magnadoodle, a coloring book, and a card game. I let her know that we had these special things and if she needed a break or some special attention from someone to let me know and we could help her out. It worked amazingly well. (Well, that and having my family around to dote on her during the reception.)
Taking the time to carefully plan activities and alternatives is time consuming and tiring, but so is having an out of control child or dog. And I figure in time it will get easier to be one step ahead of both the dog and the child. At least until the next bend in the road...
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Playtime Gals!
The cairn terrier I had growing up never really had a chance to be around other dogs. She was friendly enough, but my family just never knew other dogs to put her with. Cousteau liked to play with other dogs when he was younger, but he was never really appropriate with them. His misread or ignored other dogs' signals and was generally more of a pain in the butt than a good playmate. I attribute this partly to being a Lab and partly because he was separated from his mother, and primary dog-language instructor, when he was only 5 weeks old and really needing those lessons. Then there was Beamish, who loved to play but was fear aggressive toward other dogs and would start fights as often as he'd have a nice play session.
Imagine my joy to now have Havana, my playtime queen. As a dog trainer, few things make me happier than seeing a group of dogs playing nicely together. Many dogs seem to have a favorite game and gravitate toward other dogs who will play that game with them. Not Havana. She just wants to play and will do whatever the other dog wants to do. Cousteau wants to play tug? She'll tug like mad. JJ wants to be chased? Havana chases. Toby wants to play bitey face? Then bitey face it is! She respects most signals from other dogs and is appropriate in correcting dogs who go too far with her. She may snap or growl, but as long as the dog backs off it doesn't go farther than that. I compare this to someone saying "Hey! Back off!" or "Let's tone it down a bit."
Collies happen to have a pretty innate sense of rules (as they see them) and since they were bred to read sheep to be able to herd them, I think they're a bit more in tune to the body language of other dogs as well. Also in Havana's favor is that she was allowed to be with her mother and litter mates until she was 9 weeks old. She also had a couple of other dogs in the house to play with. The breeder knows what appropriate play looks like and was able to intervene when necessary, but typically it was mom who gave necessary corrections. If I ever buy another puppy from a breeder, it will be a puppy who has been with litter mates and a mother, or mother figure, until I pick it up.
Bug, while not quite as versatile as Havana, was my little two-legged collie this weekend at a party we hosted. I wasn't sure how she would feel about a bunch of kids being in her house, playing with her toys, and in some cases, taking her mama's attention. She did really well. We set up things as best we could by telling her she could pick 3 toys to put up and away, but everything else, with the exclusion of her lovey, Geti, was fair game for others to play with.
Usually Bug is surrounded by adults who are willing to cater to whatever game she wants to play. She doesn't always like kids because they aren't as easy to direct, but for a good 5 hours she was constantly playing and on the go. She played store, playhouse, cars, tag, ball, and who knows what all else. She sure wasn't coming to me for ideas! She followed along with what the other children thought up and added her own flair. But she also was willing to lead younger or quieter children. She played "go up and down stairs" with a 2 year old for several minutes, until the 2 year old got her confidence and could do it by herself.
In some ways, introducing children to appropriate play is a bit like socializing puppies. There does need to be an enforcing figure to make sure nothing goes too horribly wrong and you want to make sure that the play group is made up of children who have somewhat similar play styles. (Putting the rough and tumble ball crazy child with the shy, quiet doll lover can eventually result in good play, but it will take some more patience than just putting the kid who loves tag with the kid who loves balls and the doll lover with a child who enjoys dress up.)
You also need to teach children approrpiate language and coping strategies to deal with play they don't like. Giving them specific words and telling them it is ok to get up and walk away to do something else can be very helpful and empowering to a child. Of course, the child also needs to respect a playmate who uses similar words and strategies.
I'm not so naive as to think that Bug is now a super-play wizard and will be a welcomed asset to any play group a child begged to come to everyone's house because she's so wonderful. And I know full well that not every play interaction will be as positive as last weekend's was. But I was glad to see that my child does have the social skills to have fun in an environment with many children - and without coming running to me to tattle over every little thing!
I wish I could take all the credit for this weekend's sucess, but I can't. I'm proud of the groundwork I laid, but I think the work Bug's preschool teachers have done has really helped her to understand and accept play with other children. I'm very, very glad that I listened to my gut (and my wallet, but mostly my gut) and sent Bug to a preschool that emphasizes social skills over academics. She'll still be ready for kindergarten and by being exposed to early language and math skills, but she's being exposed in such a way that she has to interact with other children during that exposure.
I can take some credit for Havana's play successes. Her breeder and genetics set her up very well for success, but I've made sure that she has appropriate playmates and that she stays appropriate in play, even if the other dog doesn't say anything.
Could both of my playtime gals have been successful without much input from me? Possibly. Probably. Goodness knows there are children and dogs who have had every disadvantage that still do very well socially. But I feel better knowing that I've done what I can to foster good social skills and at least for now, they have been paying off.
(Now I just hope and pray that I don't get a call from the preschool today asking me to pick up Bug after she started a huge fight...)
Imagine my joy to now have Havana, my playtime queen. As a dog trainer, few things make me happier than seeing a group of dogs playing nicely together. Many dogs seem to have a favorite game and gravitate toward other dogs who will play that game with them. Not Havana. She just wants to play and will do whatever the other dog wants to do. Cousteau wants to play tug? She'll tug like mad. JJ wants to be chased? Havana chases. Toby wants to play bitey face? Then bitey face it is! She respects most signals from other dogs and is appropriate in correcting dogs who go too far with her. She may snap or growl, but as long as the dog backs off it doesn't go farther than that. I compare this to someone saying "Hey! Back off!" or "Let's tone it down a bit."
Collies happen to have a pretty innate sense of rules (as they see them) and since they were bred to read sheep to be able to herd them, I think they're a bit more in tune to the body language of other dogs as well. Also in Havana's favor is that she was allowed to be with her mother and litter mates until she was 9 weeks old. She also had a couple of other dogs in the house to play with. The breeder knows what appropriate play looks like and was able to intervene when necessary, but typically it was mom who gave necessary corrections. If I ever buy another puppy from a breeder, it will be a puppy who has been with litter mates and a mother, or mother figure, until I pick it up.
Bug, while not quite as versatile as Havana, was my little two-legged collie this weekend at a party we hosted. I wasn't sure how she would feel about a bunch of kids being in her house, playing with her toys, and in some cases, taking her mama's attention. She did really well. We set up things as best we could by telling her she could pick 3 toys to put up and away, but everything else, with the exclusion of her lovey, Geti, was fair game for others to play with.
Usually Bug is surrounded by adults who are willing to cater to whatever game she wants to play. She doesn't always like kids because they aren't as easy to direct, but for a good 5 hours she was constantly playing and on the go. She played store, playhouse, cars, tag, ball, and who knows what all else. She sure wasn't coming to me for ideas! She followed along with what the other children thought up and added her own flair. But she also was willing to lead younger or quieter children. She played "go up and down stairs" with a 2 year old for several minutes, until the 2 year old got her confidence and could do it by herself.
In some ways, introducing children to appropriate play is a bit like socializing puppies. There does need to be an enforcing figure to make sure nothing goes too horribly wrong and you want to make sure that the play group is made up of children who have somewhat similar play styles. (Putting the rough and tumble ball crazy child with the shy, quiet doll lover can eventually result in good play, but it will take some more patience than just putting the kid who loves tag with the kid who loves balls and the doll lover with a child who enjoys dress up.)
You also need to teach children approrpiate language and coping strategies to deal with play they don't like. Giving them specific words and telling them it is ok to get up and walk away to do something else can be very helpful and empowering to a child. Of course, the child also needs to respect a playmate who uses similar words and strategies.
I'm not so naive as to think that Bug is now a super-play wizard and will be a welcomed asset to any play group a child begged to come to everyone's house because she's so wonderful. And I know full well that not every play interaction will be as positive as last weekend's was. But I was glad to see that my child does have the social skills to have fun in an environment with many children - and without coming running to me to tattle over every little thing!
I wish I could take all the credit for this weekend's sucess, but I can't. I'm proud of the groundwork I laid, but I think the work Bug's preschool teachers have done has really helped her to understand and accept play with other children. I'm very, very glad that I listened to my gut (and my wallet, but mostly my gut) and sent Bug to a preschool that emphasizes social skills over academics. She'll still be ready for kindergarten and by being exposed to early language and math skills, but she's being exposed in such a way that she has to interact with other children during that exposure.
I can take some credit for Havana's play successes. Her breeder and genetics set her up very well for success, but I've made sure that she has appropriate playmates and that she stays appropriate in play, even if the other dog doesn't say anything.
Could both of my playtime gals have been successful without much input from me? Possibly. Probably. Goodness knows there are children and dogs who have had every disadvantage that still do very well socially. But I feel better knowing that I've done what I can to foster good social skills and at least for now, they have been paying off.
(Now I just hope and pray that I don't get a call from the preschool today asking me to pick up Bug after she started a huge fight...)
Monday, September 8, 2008
Work Smarter, Not Harder
I have an interesting puppy class this session. Out of 10 dogs, all but one is a sporting/gun dog and the one that isn't is a standard poodle mix, so I figure that's about the same thing. Can you imagine the energy level of even 8 of these puppies in one room?! Oh, did I mention that at least 3 of them have a future in field work.
Don't get me wrong, the puppies are great and the owners are committed. When they are focused on training the room is eerily quiet and the attention is amazing. However, a very important part of puppy socialization class is allowing the puppies to play in safe, managed play groups. The first night way chaos! Puppies careened all over our 60x40 classroom. No one could catch their puppies, the arousal level went over the top (both the puppies' and mine), and it was just a free-for-all. Basically everything I cringe to think about in a puppy play session.
I wasn't going to scrub the playtime. For one thing it's important. For another, I think the puppy owners would lynch me. :) So my fearless co-instructor and I did some strategizing.
The next week we had three play areas. A small pen for the smallest sized pups, a large area for the shy pups, and a much smaller area - probably about 25x10 area - for the wild puppies. When I explained the new play areas the people with the more exuberant dogs looked at me like I was insane. Why give the most active dogs the smaller space?
The owners soon saw the method to my madness. With the more confined space it was much easier to catch puppies to interrupt inappropriate play. We also added many more breaks in the play to keep arousal levels down and it was much easier on the owners to collect their pups during breaks. Pups were also encouraged to wrestle and play-fight since there wasn't as much room to perform out-of-control zoomies. Play was much more appropriate and I think all of the pups had a lot more fun. I know the instructors did!
I realized that in a sense I've been doing the same thing with Bug. We've been having nap and bed time issues so as soon as we get to her room, I close the door so it isn't as easy for her to have access to the whole house. (She's fast, but I'm especially slow now that I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant!) From there we can get settled more easily. We're also struggling getting dressed and fixing hair, so again, before I even mention what we're doing, I make sure we're in a room with a door that closes. Just the symbolism of the door seems to help her understand that we're settling and doing whatever it is that needs to be done. As soon as the task is done, the door is ceremoniously flung open and the world is her oyster once again. :)
Since I've been consciously confining ourselves these events have been less hectic. If I let her play and get involved in something first it's much harder to get her to change gears even for a moment, especially if she can see ALL the things in the house she'd rather be doing. The smaller area lets her focus a bit more. And I can catch her when she takes off naked.
I guess what it comes down to is that I've spent a lot of time establishing behavioral boundaries in both dogs and my daughter, but I never thought about the advantages of physical boundaries as well. Not that little ones should be in small spaces all the time, but if you are trying to get something specific done it can help with focus and also with some anxiety, depending on what you are trying to do.
Don't get me wrong, the puppies are great and the owners are committed. When they are focused on training the room is eerily quiet and the attention is amazing. However, a very important part of puppy socialization class is allowing the puppies to play in safe, managed play groups. The first night way chaos! Puppies careened all over our 60x40 classroom. No one could catch their puppies, the arousal level went over the top (both the puppies' and mine), and it was just a free-for-all. Basically everything I cringe to think about in a puppy play session.
I wasn't going to scrub the playtime. For one thing it's important. For another, I think the puppy owners would lynch me. :) So my fearless co-instructor and I did some strategizing.
The next week we had three play areas. A small pen for the smallest sized pups, a large area for the shy pups, and a much smaller area - probably about 25x10 area - for the wild puppies. When I explained the new play areas the people with the more exuberant dogs looked at me like I was insane. Why give the most active dogs the smaller space?
The owners soon saw the method to my madness. With the more confined space it was much easier to catch puppies to interrupt inappropriate play. We also added many more breaks in the play to keep arousal levels down and it was much easier on the owners to collect their pups during breaks. Pups were also encouraged to wrestle and play-fight since there wasn't as much room to perform out-of-control zoomies. Play was much more appropriate and I think all of the pups had a lot more fun. I know the instructors did!
I realized that in a sense I've been doing the same thing with Bug. We've been having nap and bed time issues so as soon as we get to her room, I close the door so it isn't as easy for her to have access to the whole house. (She's fast, but I'm especially slow now that I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant!) From there we can get settled more easily. We're also struggling getting dressed and fixing hair, so again, before I even mention what we're doing, I make sure we're in a room with a door that closes. Just the symbolism of the door seems to help her understand that we're settling and doing whatever it is that needs to be done. As soon as the task is done, the door is ceremoniously flung open and the world is her oyster once again. :)
Since I've been consciously confining ourselves these events have been less hectic. If I let her play and get involved in something first it's much harder to get her to change gears even for a moment, especially if she can see ALL the things in the house she'd rather be doing. The smaller area lets her focus a bit more. And I can catch her when she takes off naked.
I guess what it comes down to is that I've spent a lot of time establishing behavioral boundaries in both dogs and my daughter, but I never thought about the advantages of physical boundaries as well. Not that little ones should be in small spaces all the time, but if you are trying to get something specific done it can help with focus and also with some anxiety, depending on what you are trying to do.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
You (don't) gotta fight, for the right....
In my puppy classes I teach the humans that they have the right to control who interacts with their dogs and how they do it. They need to realize that their puppies rely on them and if they think the puppy will be overwhelmed by a person or situation it is their responsibility to help the puppy through it and get the heck out. One of the most common, and potentially most damaging, situations is when children swarm a puppy and love on it without asking. I tell people they are within their rights to step in front of their dog, tell the children to slow down or back off, and refuse them the privilege of petting the dog if the children can't or won't follow instructions. How nice they are about it is up to them. :) There are just too many dogs in the world who are skittish around children because of a bad experience during an impressionable time and that makes life so much more difficult for the dog and its owner. There are many other examples of times that owners can and should step in to control a situation with their dog as well, and no one should feel guilty about doing it, regardless of the response of other people. Maybe that makes you the crazy dog lady/guy, but hey they don't have to live with your dog - you do. You need to do what you feel is right for you and your dog.
Parents also have the right to insist that certain behavior is or is not allowed around their child. If you feel strongly that TV time should be restricted, then the babysitter that you pay should not allow unrestricted access. If you feel that adults should be referred to as Mr. or Ms So&So, then it's ok for the child to not use the adult's first name even if invited. And if you feel that racist or denigrating comments should not be used around an impressionable child (who likes to do impressions), then it is completely within your right to request that those comments not be said in front of the child. You may be accused of being over protective or overly sensitive in these situations, but ultimately, YOU are the parent. You make the decisions.
Puppies and babies don't come with owner's manuals. As the ones responsible for these lives all we can do is the best we can. We do what we feel is right and it is our right, as the responsible party, to insist that certain reasonable behaviors be followed in our homes or with our vulnerable responsibilities. And there is no reason to feel guilty about it.
Parents also have the right to insist that certain behavior is or is not allowed around their child. If you feel strongly that TV time should be restricted, then the babysitter that you pay should not allow unrestricted access. If you feel that adults should be referred to as Mr. or Ms So&So, then it's ok for the child to not use the adult's first name even if invited. And if you feel that racist or denigrating comments should not be used around an impressionable child (who likes to do impressions), then it is completely within your right to request that those comments not be said in front of the child. You may be accused of being over protective or overly sensitive in these situations, but ultimately, YOU are the parent. You make the decisions.
Puppies and babies don't come with owner's manuals. As the ones responsible for these lives all we can do is the best we can. We do what we feel is right and it is our right, as the responsible party, to insist that certain reasonable behaviors be followed in our homes or with our vulnerable responsibilities. And there is no reason to feel guilty about it.
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